Flowers of the night

Prompt: tempo

Missione: M3 (week 5)
Parole: 100
Rating: gen
Fandom: Genshin Impact

Warnings: //

Rex Lapis non ha mai davvero considerato nulla di diverso dall'essere una divinità. Pur osservando i mortali che abitano le sue terre, non ha mai sentito la mancanza di uno scorrere del tempo più impattante, né la necessità di avere un tempo definito per la propria esistenza per poter apprezzare le cose intorno a sé.

Forse è perché il tempo è un concetto a cui non ha mai davvero dato una reale forma - tranne quando, di tanto in tanto, Barbatos si presenta senza annunciarsi e si trattiene senza invito. In quelle occasioni, il tempo sembra incredibilmente troppo poco. Non sa perché.

Prompt: “un rifugio alla fine del mondo”
Missione: M1 (week 1)
Parole: 622
Rating: teen up
Warnings: mentions of war, headcanon, minor spoilers

The Black Tower stands there, watching a world on fire like the last man on a battlefield of ruin and devastation. Dainsleif knows what a collapsing world looks like and the awful feeling of realisation first, then helplessness immediately after. The exact moment when one stares at flames engulfing everything, with not a single life to spare or to save, not even sacrificing themselves.

The Tower, though, is safe. For now. A shelter forgotten by everyone, made of silence; the faint scent of ashes from the east and the smell of burnt bodies from the south come together, shattering against stone and then going away with the wind. It’s like an oasis of grotesque peace, one that instead of making Dainsleif feel like it’s going to be fine makes him want to puke. 

There’s something almost heroic about the way the man in front of him can stare at such desolation without a flinch. A sort of familiar resignation in the way his shoulders slightly dropped once they stopped climbing the stairs, a lost gaze for a lost dream. Dainsleif stays there, two steps behind his prince as Kaeya embraces everything with his eye— the reddish sky, the smoke, the despair. And when the prince looks back at him, a peaceful expression is mixed with a pain so deep that a man’s soul can only be dumbed by it. He knows there’s no other way to survive this.

Dainsleif feels like he failed. He could have done better, he could have saved lives and yet this is all he managed to obtain; like a curse, time repeats and repeats and repeats— is the abyss so deep, so filthy that once you stare into it there’s no way out? That no matter what he tries, the odds will never be in his favour? In his people’s favour?

"Dainsleif," Kaeya's voice is soft like silk brushing against the skin as he calls his name, "do you think it will reach us?" he asks. Dainsleif looks outside the small window that the tower has to offer, a single gap in an iron defence. The sneaker sound of the Abyss Mages is filling the air, despite being a sound in the distance. He's not sure about what his prince wants to hear in response to his question. Yet, the lack of it doesn't seem to bother him— it's like slowly walking on ice while hoping it doesn't break under your feet.

"Oh," Dainsleif hears him say, a small nuance of fun in Kaeya's voice, "looks like he's not good at letting go, after all. We really haven't changed since we were kids, have we?" 

He has seen (fought) thousands of battles and yet the way Kaeya says it makes him shiver. The way his prince manages to convey the most nostalgic affection and, at the same time, his cruel desire to protect himself from the past. The same past that is now nothing but some kind of a long dream for him. And he wants to crush it.

So Dainsleif gets close to look outside as well: down there, on a bloody path, a red-haired man is stubbornly getting close to where they are. The Black Tower is not going to fall because of a single warrior— that's what it's meant to be: a refuge at the edge of the world, the starting point of a new era.

In a very distant past, Dainsleif once witnessed Khaenri'ah being destroyed.

His prince raises his right hand— now it's Mondstadt that it's going to be turned into ashes. With nothing but cursed eyes to watch as it happens.

Prompt: freddo
Missione: M3 (week 4)
Parole: 3379
Rating: gen
Warnings: //

Una qualsiasi persona si sarebbe arresa all'idea di avventurarsi a Dragonspine dopo un assai fallimentare tentativo durante il training camp della Gilda, ma non Bennett. Lui può aver avuto qualche contrattempo l'ultima volta, aver rischiato di rotolare giù da un dirupo, essere finito in una gabbia e qualche altro sottile dettaglio trascurabile ma questo non può né deve bastare a frenarlo dall'avventurarsi di nuovo. D'altronde, è importante battere sentieri poco conosciuti e in fondo qualcuno potrebbe essersi perso e avere bisogno di aiuto. Senza contare, poi, che le commissioni affisse in bacheca e che riguardano Dragonspine sono sempre le ultime a essere accettate e portate a termine, salvo ci sia la dicitura urgente da qualche parte.

Proprio per questo motivo ha approfittato di averne trovata una dove si chiede di fare qualcosa per le torce disseminate lungo i pochi sentieri disponibili per facilitare il compito a chi, suo malgrado, deve recarsi almeno all'ingresso della zona innevata per raccogliere alcuni materiali. Strappa l'avviso affisso nella bacheca di Mondstadt e assicura a Katheryne che se ne occuperà lui: «Non c'è da preoccuparsi, il team di Benny è sempre pronto!» assicura con un sorriso entusiasta, fingendo che tutta la città non sia a conoscenza della composizione di suddetto team, ossia un unico membro che è Bennett stesso. Katheryne gli offre cordialmente le coordinate delle torce in questione e gli augura buona fortuna, non dimenticando di rivolgergli il motto della Gilda.

Gli ci vuole poco per preparare l'occorrente, lui che l'avventura ce l'ha nel sangue e per cui l'elemento fuoco - provvidenziale se si tratta di accendere torce - non ha segreti. Zaino in spalla, stivali ben indossati, lascia Mondstadt pieno di positività.

*

«Freddo.» sentenzia Razor, il volto verso l'alto mentre annusa l'aria, quasi potesse sentire l'odore anche del gelo «Pericoloso.» aggiunge, come una sentenza. Bennett non si sente di dargli torto, non del tutto almeno: sono entrati dentro Dragonspine da meno di una manciata di metri e un gruppo di Treasure Hoarders poco oltre il ponte spaccato li ha subito attaccati. L'aiuto di Razor è stato provvidenziale, e lo stesso Bennett non ha avuto grossi problemi, ma la montagna innevata per tutto l'anno non è troppo rassicurante a vederla e di certo il clima freddo non la rende ospitale. Questo dovrebbe farlo desistere. Naturalmente, è un motivo in più per occuparsi di accendere le torce.

«Non preoccuparti, Razor!» esclama incoraggiante, un braccio attorno alle spalle dell'altro, gli occhi verdi verso la montagna che indica con la mano libera «Ormai conosce bene questo posto! Vedrai, faremo in un attimo!» assicura, perché ci crede davvero. Come si può immaginare facilmente, la sua fortuna la pensa diversamente e dopo quaranta minuti di tragitto seguito, poi lasciato perché era assolutamente necessario salvare una piccola volpe e averlo perso del tutto nel tentativo di ritornarci, si sono persi.

*

Si sente così in colpa per aver trascinato Razor nell'ennesima delle sue sfortune che non ha nemmeno il coraggio di guardarlo, mentre cercando di combattere il freddo vicino a una delle torce che - se non altro - hanno raggiunto e riacceso. Il cielo sopra Dragonspine è più plumbeo, nell'inequivocabile segno di una tarda ora che avanza. Bennett a questo punto è consapevole che difficilmente riusciranno a ritrovare la via per uscire dal territorio innevato e quindi, forse, sarebbe preferibile cercare un punto in cui accamparsi. Se solo non ci fosse neve ovunque... gli basterebbe un punto più riparato, per poter almeno offrire a Razor qualche provvista e un posto meno gelido in cui dormire.

Purtroppo però una volta smarrita la via è ben difficile ritrovarla, specie con l'avanzare della sera e il diminuire dell'illuminazione naturale. Bennett è così sconfortato da non accorgersi della presenza di qualcuno oltre lui e Razor fin quando una voce non lo raggiunge, chiedendogli a tradimento «Cosa ci fate qui?»

Gli occhi verdi abbandonano il terreno su cui si erano fissati, mentre una mortificazione crescente gli stava crollando addosso, per alzarsi e inquadrare di lì a poco la familiare figura di Albedo. All'improvviso si sente stupido per non aver pensato che l'alchimista potesse essere lì - non sarebbe cambiato molto, visto che non sapendo in che punto della montagna si trovano non avrebbe saputo nemmeno cercare l'accampamento altrui dove è stato una sola volta, ma almeno avrebbe risollevato il morale suo e di Razor sapere di poter trovare qualcuno di conosciuto con un po' di fortuna.

«Albedo!» esclama Bennett con rinnovato entusiasmo, muovendosi verso di lui. Neanche due passi e uno scivolone su un punto particolarmente ghiacciato del terreno lo fa finire sedere a terra. Sente Razor subito accanto, sebbene nel guardarlo per assicurare che è tutto a posto noti il suo sguardo fisso su Albedo. In effetti, Bennett non è sicuro che abbiano avuto modo di incontrarsi, ma...

«Razor, lui è il "fratellone" di cui parla sempre Klee!» gli fa presente, certo che questo possa dare all'altro un'indicazione migliore di qualsiasi presentazione. Razor lo osserva di sottecchi, senza ancora fidarsi a non tenere d'occhio l'alchimista, ma arriccia appena il naso come se non fosse sicuro di aver capito «Klee, la bambina che hai incontrato ogni tanto nella foresta!» spiega meglio e Razor tace per qualche momento, prima di annuire con lentezza.

«Ragazza di fuoco» pronuncia «spesso guai nella foresta.» decreta infine, quasi a volersi assicurare di aver capito di chi stanno parlano. Bennett annuisce e nota un impercettibile rilassarsi nei muscoli di Razor. Albedo, d'altronde, ha mutato un poco espressione nella completa consapevolezza dei danni che Klee possa aver arrecato in un foresta piena, quindi di alberi infiammabili. Bennett, però, decide di non dargli il tempo di preoccuparsi troppo di qualcosa che non è di certo stato fatto con cattiveria: si alza, attento a non scivolare di nuovo nello stesso punto, e si scrolla dai pantaloni un po' di neve proprio mentre la voce di Albedo lo raggiunge di nuovo.

«E' tardi per un'escursione.» fa notare e Bennett annuisce «Ci stiamo occupando di riaccendere le torce che si sono spente, per facilitare i viaggiatori! Beh... o almeno lo stavamo facendo, poi però c'era una volpe che sembrava aver bisogno di aiuto... ci siamo allontanati solo un attimo dal sentiero e non lo abbiamo più ritrovato. Beh, ne abbiamo trovato uno, ma non era quello giusto mi sa!» fa presente, con un sorrisetto impacciato e una mano che va a grattare la nuca in un gesto meccanico. Quasi non si accorge di farlo sempre quando deve rendere conto di come la sua sfortuna non faccia che creare problemi, mentre si accorge eccome della folata di vento freddo che soffia dalla direzione in cui sono venuti. Rabbrividisce e si chiede come Albedo possa sembrare del tutto a suo agio con quel clima.

«Venite,» pronuncia l'alchimista, facendo loro cenno di seguirlo «si sta preparando una bufera e nessuno dovrebbe essere in giro per Dragonspine quando succede.»

*

L'accampamento è come Bennett lo ricorda, però lascia a Razor il tempo di guardarsi intorno, memorizzare e prendere confidenza con tutto ciò che per lui è nuovo, di abituarsi all'odore quanto alla presenza di Albedo. L'alchimista invece si comporta come se a stento avesse ospiti in quel momento e si muove con familiarità in quelli che sono i suoi spazi: i tavoli dove tiene le sue ricerche, forse persino nuovi esperimenti che Bennett non saprebbe neanche iniziare a immaginare senza renderli confuse fantasie improbabili. Se non fosse stato già ospite di quel posto, Bennett potrebbe pensare che Albedo si sia limitato a portarli con sé perché cittadini di Mondstadt o per avere la coscienza pulita - in verità, forse, Bennett non lo penserebbe a prescindere perché crede nel buono delle persone - ma sa bene che l'alchimista probabilmente sta solo pensando da dove cominciare per essere ospitale, come la volta scorsa.

«Razor!» lo richiama Bennett mentre l'altro sta occhieggiando curioso la parte dell'accampamento dove Albedo tiene uno dei suoi disegni su tela «Vuoi una sedia? Se la vuoi puoi dirlo ad Albedo, lui può crearla esattamente come la preferisci.» assicura, un po' per impressionarlo positivamente, quasi dovesse presentargli al meglio un amico. Nella testa di Bennett è proprio questa la situazione attuale. 

Razor abbandona la tela disegnata solo in parte per spostare lo sguardo su Albedo che, a sua volta e sentitosi chiamare in causa, ha diretto la sua attenzione sui due. Non sembra infastidito dalle sue parole, quindi Bennett immagina non gli dia noia che qualcuno oltre chi c'era la volta scorsa sappia delle sue capacità. O forse non è abituato al fatto che qualcuno non lo conosca, visto quanto è famoso tra gli abitanti di Mondstadt e anche fra alcuni di Liyue. 

«No sedia,» Razor sentenzia, ma sembra dirlo come per sottolineare che non c'è bisogno, e ha perfettamente senso considerato che dubita ci siano molte sedie nelle foreste di Wolvendom «Bennett tana per dormire. Io caccia.» spiega, un piede già fuori dall'accampamento. A poco vale il tentativo sia di Bennett che di Albedo di far presente che non è necessario e che il vento si sta alzando sempre di più, mentre le temperature continuano a diventare persino più rigide se possibile. Prima che riescano a convincerlo, Razor è sparito oltre il ponte spezzato.

*

Evidentemente non si allontana poi troppo, considerato che non impiega molto a tornare ma soprattutto riesce a farlo senza problemi. Bennett non può che sospirare di sollievo, salvo poi ricordarsi che data la sua assenza è probabile che qualsiasi sfortuna potesse colpire Razor durante la caccia in un territorio mai visitato prima come Dragonspine, sia rimasta in accampamento con lui. Bennett sarebbe pronto a giurare di aver visto le spalle di Albedo rilassarsi impercettibilmente quando dei passi li hanno portati entrambi a guardare verso l'ingresso dell'accampamento dell'alchimista e hanno visto Razor, un cinghiale sulle spalle e del tutto illeso. 

La carne si rivela essere piuttosto buona, almeno a giudicare da come Razor la mangia con gusto e da come anche lui e Albedo la trovano buona abbastanza da trasformare la cena in un insieme di versi di apprezzamento qua e là e silenzi che però non sanno né di imbarazzo, né di disagio. Bennett si prende volentieri il compito di fare un po' di conversazione quando finiscono di mangiare, considerato come sia l'alchimista che Razor non siano persone di tante parole, ma di buon cuore senza dubbio. Così si cimenta nel racconto dell'ultima volta in cui è stato a Dragonspine e di tutto ciò che gli è successo, lesinando magari su qualche dettaglio di come sia finito in gabbia ma senza risparmiare invece su come Albedo lo abbia aiutato senza esitazioni e sia stato anche così gentile da non attribuire la colpa di quanto successo a più riprese alla sfortuna di Bennett. A un certo punto l'alchimista specifica che non c'è nulla per cui ringraziarlo e che l'unico motivo per il quale non c'è stata alcuna colpevolizzazione è perché era oggettivamente fuori dal controllo di Bennett e di quella che sia la sua sfortuna. E' carino da parte sua e, anche se non glielo dice, Bennett è grato nel sapere che la pensa così.

Non sa se sia per questo che Razor sembra decidere definitivamente di potersi fidare di Albedo abbastanza da accettare di dormire lì per la notte, più di buon grado di quanto ne avesse dimostrato ormai un paio di ore prima, quando più che un piacere era una necessità data dal freddo pungente e dalla poca familiarità con il territorio.

Parlano a lungo, Bennett gli fa le domande più disparate ed è a dir poco felice quando Albedo mostra interesse per Razor e per il modo in cui vive, tutto scaturito da un accenno a come il ragazzo e Klee si siano incontrati per la prima volta. Razor non lo dice, ma Bennett è sicuro che quelle domande date dalla genuina curiosità di conoscere - quella che sembra l'energia vitale stessa di Albedo - siano per Razor qualcosa di davvero importante. Parlare del luogo in cui è cresciuto e per il quale ha un profondo attaccamento, a dispetto di come all'orecchio di chiunque altro potrebbe sembrare strano, per l'altro ragazzo è così importante da fargli brillare gli occhi quando ne parla e tanto da ammorbidire i lineamenti e la linea della mascella, rimasta sempre in parte serrata fino a quel momento.

Sarebbe perfetto se solo Dragonspine non avesse palesemente deciso di dovergli offrire una delle notti più fredde di sempre. Persino Albedo, a un certo punto mentre stanno mettendo via quanto usato per mangiare, osserva che si tratti di una notte innaturalmente fredda persino per gli standard del luogo. Bennett non glielo chiede, lì per lì, ma gli sembra di vedere lo sguardo dell'alchimista adombrarsi sebbene non offra spiegazioni o ipotesi di alcun tipo. Si limita a guardarli e a dire: «Dopo notti come questa, la neve è più solida e il cielo tende a rischiararsi rispetto al solito. Posso accompagnarvi ad accendere le torce mancanti.»

Bennett non potrebbe essergli più grato e si offre di aiutare a preparare il giaciglio in più per lui e Razor; quest'ultimo, quando Albedo sta spostando proprio la tela con il suo disegno per fare spazio nella parte più riparata dell'accampamento, storce il naso come se avesse sentito un pessimo odore all'improvviso. Bennett prova ad annusare l'aria, aspettandosi che il vento gelido abbia portato qualcosa con sé, ma non avverte nulla.

«Alchimista ha odore di bugie.» mormora Razor vicino al suo orecchio e sebbene Bennett creda non si tratti di bugie ma di verità private e benché non abbia idea di quale odore possano mai avere le menzogne, capisce cosa intende Razor.

*

La notte è calata già da almeno un'ora, crede, ma non riesce a prendere sonno. Un po' se lo aspettava, con il vento a ululare così forte tra le pareti rocciose e un freddo a cui sono riusciti a ovviare solo in parte. Certo, se non altro Bennett può dire di avere la fortuna di esservi abituato con tutte le volte che per un'avventura ha dovuto dormire all'esterno a prescindere da cosa il meteo avesse deciso di offrire - senza contare che in più di un'occasione, Bennett suppone per la sua riconosciuta sfortuna, anche quando sembrava aver trovato il punto perfetto per dormire un temporale lo aveva colto impreparato e all'improvviso, a volte rendendo impossibile restare sul terreno scelto o distruggendo direttamente l'accampamento di fortuna che si era tanto impegnato a tirare su.

Albedo si è rivelato un bravo padrone di casa anche stavolta, anche se quella non è una casa vera, ma rende comunque l'idea: ha lasciato a lui e a Razor la parte più riparata, dandogli la possibilità di essere meno colpiti possibile dall'aria fredda che non può essere del tutto bloccata, visto che quello di Albedo rimane un accampamento all'aperto che non è pensato per dormire. O almeno quella è la sensazione che Bennett ha avuto fin dalla prima volta in cui è rimasto lì con Aether e gli altri. Certo, è chiaro, Albedo dovrà pur dormire a un certo punto ma un conto è farlo per la necessità di non spostarsi se sorpresi da una tormenta di neve come sembra essere quella là fuori stanotte, un altro è farlo perché si vuole e si è pianificato.

Non si stupisce quindi quando sente rumore di passi, ben diverso e facilmente distinguibile da quello del lento scoppiettare del fuoco lasciato acceso per riscaldarli un pochino. Sente il respiro regolare di Razor ma è sicuro che, sebbene sia a occhi chiusi, l'altro percepisca i rumori molto meglio di lui e sia quindi in un certo senso vigile. Apre gli occhi, Bennett, e cerca di spiare con discrezione in direzione del suono per avere conferma di quanto ipotizzato: Albedo è in piedi, di fronte a quello che immagina sia uno dei suoi tavoli da lavoro, gli occhi bassi su dei fogli tenuti lì fermi da qualche tomo a fare da peso. La lampada a olio è accesa per illuminare al meglio quanto riportano e l'espressione di Albedo, vista di profilo, è pensierosa. E' impossibile per Bennett dire se sia preoccupazione per qualcosa o solo il tentativo di decifrare qualcosa nei suoi appunti.

Il vento fuori si schianta con una violenza inaudita contro le pareti della montagna, ululando così forte da sembrare quasi un urlo. Albedo, almeno dalla posizione da cui lo osserva Bennett, sposta lo sguardo verso l'ingresso dell'accampamento ma lo fa con la lentezza di chi non sembra aspettarsi l'attacco di nessuno. Forse conosce Dragonspine così bene da sapere che nemmeno i mostri che la abitano azzarderebbero a uscire dai propri nascondigli in una notte tanto gelida e impietosa.

Bennett, però, potrà non capire molto di alchimia ma sa per certo che una notte in bianco - specie una come questa - non aiuta nessuno, soprattutto quando Albedo si è offerto di accompagnarli ai punti segnati sulla mappa e che dovrebbero corrispondere alle torce da accendere. Così si alza, cercando di muoversi piano abbastanza da non svegliare Razor o metterlo in allarme; è consapevole di aver fallito al primo spostamento di una gamba, ma Razor si limita a fissarlo attento e incuriosito da cosa lo stia facendo alzare a quell'ora.

Anche Albedo si accorge di lui e lo guarda, un sopracciglio leggermente alzato: «Non riesci a dormire?» chiede e Bennett scuote la testa. Non lo avvicina e, per la verità, non è nemmeno del tutto in piedi ma seduto nel giaciglio condiviso finora con Razor, ma gli fa cenno di avvicinarsi cercando di mantenere l'espressione più seria possibile, quasi grave. Vede la perplessità sul volto di Albedo ma l'alchimista si avvicina comunque fino a raggiungere dove si trovano. Bennett gli offre la mano, quasi a chiedergli un aiuto a tirarsi su, e anche se è sicuro l'altro abbia già valutato con uno sguardo che non ce ne sia reale bisogno, se la sente stringere.

Tira verso il basso, anziché farsi tirare verso l'alto. Albedo agevola il movimento un po' con la sorpresa, un po' perché evidentemente non sente di dover fare resistenza. Razor li fissa, entrambi, e a Bennett piace pensare che abbia capito le sue intenzioni e sia appena diventato suo complice quando lo vede avvicinarsi di più e passare un braccio sul fianco di Bennett; non lascia scivolare la mano per chiuderlo in un abbraccio, però, fissando Albedo in attesa.

«Non fa bene restare sveglio.» Bennett dà voce alla sua preoccupazione ma anche alla sua intenzione - condivisa, crede - di far dormire l'alchimista con loro. Albedo li guarda per qualche istante con fare interrogativo, prima di obiettare con un «Non serve, sono abituato.» che ottiene solo l'effetto contrario. Bennett tira un altro po', senza irruenza ma più come un invito fisico ad accontentarlo, e gli rivolge un sorriso.

«Allora diciamo che io e Razor non riusciremo a dormire se tu sei in piedi, sveglio e a lavorare a quest'ora e con questo freddo! Non ci riuscirebbe nemmeno Aether! Anzi, lui di sicuro ti avrebbe già trascinato via dagli appunti parecchio tempo fa.» fa presente Bennett - se si trattasse di chiunque altro questo sarebbe un colpo basso, ma nel suo caso sta solo facendo notare una verità. Aether è premuroso abbastanza da non permettere a nessuno di fare una notte in bianco per qualcosa a cui si potrà sempre rimediare il giorno seguente.

Albedo sembra figurarsi la situazione nello stesso momento in cui Bennett la fa presente e si lascia sfuggire un sospiro lieve, ma rassegnato. Bennett volta la testa per scambiarsi uno sguardo soddisfatto con Razor, per quanto la posizione renda la manovra piuttosto scomoda.

«Ecco, sdraiati qua di fianco» lo istruisce «bene, io rimango nel mezzo perché stavo pensando, la mia Visione causa un sacco di calore, no? Potrei usarla e potremmo dormire su—»

La mano di Razor si poggia sul fianco di Albedo, sistemandosi in modo da essere fisicamente a contatto con entrambi. Poi scuote la testa, la punta del naso contro la guancia di Bennett.

«Bennett fermo,» sentenzia «dormire su fuoco non va bene. Ragazza Klee fatto una volta e foresta incendiata.»

Bennett ridacchia, ma lascia al giorno dopo spiegazioni su come lui e Klee abbiano la stessa Visione ma operi in maniere molto diverse. Quando sfiora il braccio di Albedo, per stare a contatto abbastanza da scaldarsi, sente la pelle fredda sotto le dita.

Prompt: Biffy Clairo - Space
Missione: m2 (week 3)
Parole: 3308
Rating: gen
Warnings: spoiler archon war, leggere imprecisioni volute (Morax pov), Morax/Barbatos | Zhongli/Venti

Then slowly one by one
We carried our past and cradled the storm
We tried to conceal the scars we wore
'Cause we couldn't show what we couldn't show

Potersi aggirare tra le strade di Liyue Harbor è il privilegio della mortalità. Zhongli ha avuto molti nomi nella sua vita, alcuni dati dal popolo, altri così vecchi da non ricordare con precisione nemmeno lui chi li abbia coniati. Con il tempo il mondo ha imparato a conoscerlo e le leggende hanno formato la sua storia e la sua eredità, rendendolo l’Archon che è stato e non è più, il Dio senza il quale la sua gente sta imparando a vivere. Lo stesso ad aver siglato dei contratti con gli Adepti, ancora oggi impegnati nella protezione di una terra a cui non sarebbero più legati da alcun vincolo se non quello morale e degli affetti. Li capisce, per questo non li libera - non può fare più di quanto ha già fatto: inscenare la sua dipartita, siglare l’ultimo dei contratti a proprio unico beneficio e sperare che il mondo andasse avanti, Adepti compresi.

Tra chi ora incrocia la sua strada nella città dove ha scelto di vivere da mortale, quando si chiede a chi potersi rivolgere per conoscere qualche dettaglio sulla storia, le tradizioni, le leggende quasi tutti dicono alla persona di turno di rivolgersi a lui. A Zhongli non dispiace spiegare ciò che vogliono sapere, raccontare secoli di storia a cui gli altri attribuiscono solo un'immensa passione e un lungo studio quando invece a lui è bastato semplicemente vivere ogni singolo avvenimento. Nonostante questo, ci sono aspetti che giorno dopo giorno ha la sensazione finiranno irrimediabilmente per sfuggire anche ai suoi ricordi. Forse non se ne dovrebbe stupire: seimila anni sono lunghi per chiunque e quando si è rimasti solo in due ad aver visto e vissuto attivamente certe cose.

Pensare che in tutto il mondo esiste una sola persona con cui poter parlare di tempi che non torneranno mai più e che, presto, spariranno anche dalla memoria degli umani. Una sola.

E' incredibile.

*

Rex Lapis abbassa lo sguardo, soffermandosi sulla famiglia che sta proseguendo lungo una delle vie mercantili di Liyue, un sentiero appena battuto dove non è comunque consigliabile addentrarsi senza un buon carro e animali da traino che possano sopportare certi tipi di terreno. Forse, per un istante, il bambino lo scorge quando alza gli occhi per seguire il volo di un uccello nel cielo azzurro, ma l'Archon quasi non deve sforzarsi per sfuggire al suo sguardo in un attimo. Liyue è una terra grande e a lui basta un battito di ciglia per poterla attraversare tutta e assicurarsi che nulla stia sfuggendo al controllo che gli spetta, ma per il quale non ha mai forzato la mano sui mortali che abitano quel luogo. Se fosse come loro, forse la chiamerebbe casa. Il suo sentimento però è molto più complesso.

«Moooraaax» cantilena una voce alle sue spalle e sente di non poter fare altro che sospirare, le braccia incrociate al petto che si stringono di un poco prima di voltarsi a guardare una figura che è già consapevole troverà. Lì a librarsi a mezz'aria l'Archon Anemo lo guarda divertito, con quel cipiglio eternamente infantile e l'aspetto innocente che non potrebbe essere più fuorviante di così. Rex Lapis non ha qualcosa di particolare contro di lui, ritiene solo di essere incompatibile con lui. E che il suo presentarsi costantemente ubriaco sia di pessimo gusto. E—

«Mh?» si lascia sfuggire tra le labbra Barbatos, sporgendosi leggermente oltre la montagna su cui lui è rimasto fino a quel momento; le braccia incrociate dietro la schiena e l'aria incuriosita, si ritrae solo quando gli occhi chiari incontrano la famiglia che poco fa Rex Lapis stesso stava osservando: «Che bravo! Controllavi arrivassero sani e salvi?» lo prende in giro, lo fa sempre. Non ha idea di cosa ci sia di divertente per Barbatos all'idea che lui segua con lo sguardo qualche mortale in momenti di pace come quello. Cos'altro si suppone dovrebbe fare non è una cosa che riesce a comprendere.

Sospira piano, Rex Lapis, e scuote appena la testa prima di cominciare a muoversi nella direzione opposta a quella dove Barbatos si è sporto. Lo sente seguirlo, nello stesso modo in cui si percepisce una brezza soffiare quasi stesse dando una spinta leggera contro la schiena di chi cammina. Rex Lapis si è domandato spesso, quando ha sentito qualche mortale parlare di come gli sembrasse di essere incoraggiati dal vento durante un viaggio, al pari delle navi le cui vele si gonfiano d’aria, se qualche volta sia stato davvero Barbatos a dare un piccolo incoraggiamento a qualcuno di loro. 

D’altronde anche in questo sono estremamente diversi: Barbatos ha un affetto smisurato per i mortali. Rex Lapis non ne capirà mai il perché - sono ingegnosi, considerato che non possono contare su dei poteri superiori come gli Archon, ma al di là di questo vede in loro quasi soltanto dei limiti.

«Penso che se vivessi tra loro,» comincia a parlare Barbatos, incurante dei suoi silenzi, come sempre «li ameresti. Hanno una forza smisurata e una testardaggine niente male nel combattere le cose più grandi di loro.»

Rex Lapis cammina, cammina e solo quando arriva vicino a delle rocce su cui siede durante le ore più calme del giorno osserva in direzione di Barbatos. Si siede, notando che l’altro Archon aspetta a fare lo stesso. La pietra su cui ha preso posto non ha spazio accanto a lui per un’altra persona, ma Barbatos tende a sederglisi sempre di fronte e mai di fianco, perciò non se ne preoccupa. Poggia la schiena contro la parete rocciosa alle sue spalle, una gamba viene piegata e la caviglia posata sul ginocchio dell’altra gamba. E’ una posizione che assume spesso, agli occhi dei mortali sarebbe come un re sul proprio trono con fare assolutamente poco nobile. Barbatos lo guarda e sbuffa divertito, i suoi piedi nudi ancora non toccano l’erba rada.

Si abbassa il cappuccio proprio quando Barbatos si muove verso di lui, lo sguardo vispo di chi sta pianificando qualcosa; non ha nemmeno con lui il solito vino che porta in dono durante le sue visite sempre inaspettate, nonostante poi ne beva una buona parte da solo perché non sa frenarsi. Rex Lapis inarca un sopracciglio, cercando di anticipare le sue intenzioni, ma non riesce finché non se lo ritrova seduto su una gamba.

Per un lungo momento nessuno dei due parla. Poi Barbatos scoppia a ridere, le mani si poggiano sulla sua gamba solo per non rieschiare di cadere all’indietro quando la schiena si inarca appena e il collo si piega leggermente in un movimento naturale ad accompagnare quella risata. E’ un suono cristallino che affascinerebbe i mortali, ma lui ha imparato a riconoscerci anche una nota capace di suscitare una vaga irritazione.

«Scendi.» gli dice, non un’intimazione ma nemmeno una richiesta cortese. Barbatos però, tanto per cambiare, non gli dà ascolto e si limita a offrire scuse assurde come «La pietra è dura, dov’è la tua ospitalità, Morax?!»

Come sempre ciò che esce dalla bocca altrui non ha alcun senso per lui.

*

Dopo la guerra degli Archon è stato come uscire da una bolla di unicità destinata a non ripetersi mai più. Rex Lapis è considerato il dio di moltissime cose, tra cui anche la guerra, e il paragone con uno come Barbatos è sempre stato abbastanza immediato - sarà la vicinanza delle loro terre, divise da un confine immaginario che molti mortali non si rendono conto di aver oltrepassato fin quando non si affacciano ai primi villaggi sporadici e vi riconoscono architetture completamente diverse. O sarà che la natura di Barbatos è completamente diversa dalla sua. 

Tutto dell’altro Archon rispecchia ciò a cui è associato: libertà e vento sono due cose immediatamente associate a lui e Rex Lapis stesso deve ammettere che le vede in lui così come fanno i mortali di Mondstadt, dove si è recato una sola volta per cortesia. E’ sicuro che gli uomini vedano in Barbatos la leggerezza di una brezza tiepida in primavera e la promessa di vivere in piena libertà senza nessuna catena. Non conoscono la devastazione di un vento divenuto uragano, né il prezzo da pagare per poter andare dove si desidera, sempre. 

Se proprio, ai suoi occhi Barbatos è la perfetta rappresentazione di una bilancia priva di equilibrio: uno dei due piatti si eleva verso l’alto e nessuno spreca uno sguardo per quello che pende verso il basso, pieno di macigni per contrapporsi a una piuma. Mondstadt, già dal passato e in un futuro non troppo lontano forse, dovrà smettere di preoccuparsi della guerra, dei tiranni, della paura e sarà perché qualcuno si sarà preso il compito di tenerli lontani. Il sacrificio di un singolo per un bene comune, così totalizzante, è qualcosa che sfugge alla mente di Rex Lapis - lui che è pietra, dura e solida, spesso inamovibile e al tempo stesso è guerra, è denaro, è storia.

Così glielo domanda durante una visita non richiesta, una delle tante. Sono passati anni (forse dieci, forse cento) e Barbatos si presenta ancora con un vino che berrà per lo più da solo, senza che in lui cambi niente, in virtù degli esseri immutabili che sono entrambi. 

Liyue Harbor è più grande di come l’Archon Anemo la ricorda, prende la forma della città portuale più grande di Liyue che sarà in futuro, della tomba di Morax per un contratto di cui ancora nessuno sa nulla. E’ ancora lontana però dalla luce delle lanterne sempre accese come una guida per chi si è perso, così nella tranquillità di una notte stellata senza l’ombra della Jade Chamber a fluttuare in cielo parlano per più tempo di quanto Rex Lapis avrebbe pensato di impiegare in una conversazione con l’altro.

Sorprendentemente si lasciano andare anche a lunghi silenzi, confortevoli momenti in cui concedono alla mente di riposare. 

«Sono incredibili.» pronuncia Barbatos a un certo punto, lo sguardo verso le case dalle luci spente, il sorriso gentile a incurvargli le labbra. Non è la prima volta che Rex Lapis nota quel suo modo di guardare i mortali, a metà tra l’affascinato e il malinconico, come se fossero creature che non possono far altro che dipendere da lui.

«Posso capirne il fascino,» gli fa eco per la prima volta, considerato come di solito lasci senza alcuna risposta quel discorso fin quando Barbatos non si arrende a farlo cadere. Vede una vaga sorpresa nei suoi occhi, sebbene lui lo stia guardando solo di striscio, ma anziché chiedergli cosa lo stupisce si limita ad aggiungere «ma sono fragili. Si consumano fino a morire e lo fanno con velocità. Come l’incenso bruciano inesorabilmente quando vengono accesi e lasciano una traccia di fumo per un istante appena. Tu sei eterno. Come tu possa legarti a qualcosa di così effimero, va oltre la mia comprensione.»

Si aspetta un rimprovero misto a una presa in giro, l’ennesima osservazione di Barbatos su quanto lui sia duro e rigido. Invece si ritrova un’occhiata curiosa addosso e, dopo poco, il sorriso sulle labbra dell’altro Archon si fa quasi dispiaciuto. Lo vede alzarsi da dove sedeva e muovere diversi passi verso di lui - piedi sull’erba, anziché svolazzare come gli piace fare di solito - fino a sedersi più vicino. Non si sono mai seduti a così poca distanza l’uno dall’altro, se non quando Barbatos vuole prendersi gioco di lui e gli si sistema anche addosso. Ha lo sguardo rivolto alle stelle, quando gli parla di nuovo.

«Hai mai provato paura, Morax?»

Prova a pensarci, prima di rispondergli. Ha appreso nel tempo che i mortali la provano di fronte a un migliaio di cose e che solo alcune di queste sono state in comune con gli Archon che ha conosciuto: fallimento. Sconfitta. Morte, sebbene sia qualcosa di molto remoto al di fuori della guerra che hanno combattuto. 

Rex Lapis non ha mai avuto paura di nessuna di queste cose.

«Mai.» ammette quindi con fare laconico, non potendo offrire niente più di questo. Inaspettatamente, però, non segue nessuna frase o rimprovero o presa in giro a quella risposta. Barbatos si limita a guardare qualcosa che, Rex Lapis ne è sicuro, non riuscirebbe a vedere se anche rivolgesse al cielo la stessa attenzione. 

Dopo un tempo difficile da quantificare, sente la testa di Barbatos poggiarsi alla sua gamba come un bambino potrebbe fare sul grembo di una madre. Rex Lapis abbassa gli occhi dorati su di lui, cercando su lineamenti che conosce a memoria la risposta a una muta domanda di fronte a un comportamento privo di logica. Barbatos però si gira su un fianco e socchiude gli occhi, con l’intento di dormire.

Lui conosce l’arte della guerra, ma non questo.

A un certo punto, prima che se ne accorga, Barbatos sembra riuscire a scivolare in un sonno profondo abbastanza da regolarizzargli il respiro e rilassargli i lineamenti. Con le dita Rex Lapis gli sfiora i capelli , quel dettaglio di una fisionomia che non gli appartiene davvero, e si domanda se sia questo che accade quando si comincia a diventare mortali pur essendo esseri immortali.

*

Barbatos diventa fastidiosamente fisico nei suoi confronti. Di per sé non è una grande perdita, non è una ferita che gli impedisce di proseguire la sua esistenza come al solito, specie da quando la guerra non è più tra i suoi affari principali. Rex Lapis non è ancora nemmeno vicino a quando il mondo lo incrocerà lungo la strada chiamandolo con il nome di Zhongli, eppure sente la lentezza data dalla monotonia che quasi lo spinge ad allontanarsi da Liyue con il pensiero mentre pondera se farlo anche fisicamente.

E’ in questo frangente che Barbatos, quando si spinge fino ai suoi territori e lo tedia con una presenza rumorosa alla quale si sta abituando più di quanto si renda conto, dimostra una fisicità nei suoi confronti mai avuta in precedenza. Si tratta per lo più di piccoli gesti, come poggiarsi a lui per dormire o con la spalla contro la sua quando siedono vicini, più di quanto abbiano mai fatto prima di allora. 

Poi, mentre il sole è appena scivolato oltre la linea dell’orizzonte e solo un gioco di luci contro le nuvole ha ancora qualche residuo del giorno prima che l’oscurità della sera finisca di ricoprire il cielo, Barbatos gli prende il viso tra le mani. Rex Lapis alza lo sguardo su di lui, lo punta dritto sul suo viso perché non c’è altro da fare, e inarca appena un sopracciglio cercando di capire quali siano le sue intenzioni senza dover dare voce alla domanda. Barbatos ha gli occhi di un colore che gli ricorda le acque più cristalline e i prati più sconfinati - riconosce nel suo sguardo quasi tutto quello che vi passa attraverso, perché dopo secoli non può essere altrimenti, ma ora c’è qualcosa di incomprensibile.

Barbatos ha le mani più minute delle sue, ma c’è una delicatezza maggiore nel modo in cui gli sfiora la pelle, quasi si aspettasse di scalfirlo con un semplice tocco. Rimangono in silenzio a lungo, più di quanto sia tipico dell’altro forse, finché la bocca di Barbatos è così vicina alla sua che possono respirare insieme.

«Se ne sono andati tutti uno dopo l’altro.» gli sussurra sulle labbra.

Rex Lapis ha visto persino le rocce spezzarsi, ma una persona mai. E non sa come fermarlo.

*

Da quel giorno sono passati anni, secoli. Barbatos ormai si muove tra gli umani con il nome di Venti, esattamente come lui si mescola tra i mortali rispondendo a quello di Zhongli. Si vedono con sempre minore frequenza, per tanti motivi: Liyue è grande, Liyue Harbor ormai il centro nevralgico del Paese; Mondstadt ha i suoi festival, proprio come qualsiasi altra regione di Teyvat, e ha i suoi problemi. A un certo punto Zhongli viene a sapere di Dvalin e si domanda se non dovrebbe recarsi nella regione dell’Archon Anemo per capire come essere di aiuto. Lui che di rado ha toccato il suolo di quella città, così poche volte da poterle toccare sulle dita di una mano.

Non lo fa, alla fine. Manda un messaggio, inequivocabile e con un messaggero d’eccezione, fa sapere di essere ancora lo stesso combattente con cui Barbatos ha lottato fianco a fianco in una guerra di troppi millenni fa ormai.

Barbatos non risponde per diverso tempo e quando lo fa è un messaggio breve. Solo mesi dopo, quando Signora si presenta a Liyue, Zhongli apprende che la stessa gnosi che le sta promettendo come parte di un contratto - perché Liyue è questo e lui è questo, un insieme di contratti che hanno scandito la sua esistenza -, a Barbatos (a Venti) è stata strappata via.

Sono passati quasi duemila anni dalla guerra e per la prima volta da allora Zhongli sente che l’Archon che tutti per anni hanno chiamato Rex Lapis o Morax forse non smetterà mai di esistere. Mentre Signora gli dà le spalle e sparisce tra le vie di Liyue Harbor, un accordo tra loro, Zhongli desidera prendere una vita nel modo in cui un tempo non sarebbe stato un desiderio, ma una semplice ovvietà.

*

Si incontrano di nuovo a ridosso del Rito delle Lanterne, senza invito o preavviso. Le lanterne sono state lasciate da poco libere di librarsi in aria e i fuochi di artificio del gran finale stanno sbocciano in cielo illuminandolo. Il vociare generale è pregno dell’entusiasmo e della gioia, qualcosa a cui Zhongli ha imparato ad abituarsi da quando gli abitanti di Liyue Harbor stanno imparando a vivere con la consapevolezza di non avere più un Archon. 

Hu Tao si allontana con una scusa, ma poco prima di muoversi verso un gruppo di persone lo lascia con una frase enigmatica e un cenno del capo. Ci vogliono pochi istanti perché il posto occupato da lei veda Venti sedersi come se nulla fosse e non avesse fatto altro che assentarsi per qualche attimo. Ha abiti molto diversi da quelli che erano un tempo la sua normalità - più tipici di Mondstadt, tipici del bardo che proclama di essere. Mentre lo osserva godersi lo spettacolo dei fuochi d’artificio, Zhongli si domanda se gli manchi quello che gli è stato sottratto. Se pensi a quanto folle sia stato lui, invece, che se ne è liberato volontariamente.

Lo vede accostarsi con la sedia a lui e sporgersi quanto basta perché quanto gli dice sia udibile nonostante lo spettacolo pirotecnico, ma senza dover urlare cosicché tutti lo sentano.

«Sei vivo.» gli dice, come se fosse l’unica cosa importante. Zhongli è stato razionale per molti anni, incapace di analizzare le cose con l’emotività e concedendo solo alla rabbia e al furore della battaglia di muovere le sue azioni in passato. In questa razionalità ha capito nel tempo che Barbatos ha cominciato a sgretolarsi molto prima della gnosi sottrattae prima persino della fine della guerra degli Archon. Quando, ormai troppo tempo fa, ha creduto che passasse eccessivo tempo con i mortali o a osservarli e che questo lo stesse rendendo debole, lo stesse avvelenando di una fragilità di cui non aveva bisogno ha sbagliato.

Barbatos si è spezzato quando la sua forma non era nemmeno umana e da allora, forse, non è mai stato in grado di tornare intero. Ma non lo ha mai mostrato perché questo sono le divinità e quindi questo sono gli Archon - un immenso potere la cui immagine è somigliante a quello delle persone ma, al contrario dei mortali, non sono in grado di riconoscere da cosa rifuggire e da cosa proteggersi, come preservarsi. Niente se non pochissime eccezioni viventi possono ucciderli e dunque finiscono per autodistruggersi senza quasi accorgersene, più sciocchi delle bestie. Se guarda al passato non vede altro che l’errore ripetersi: Guizhong, Havria, gli yaksha.

Forse una notte di secoli fa, labbra sulle sue labbra, Barbatos ha provato a mostrarsi e salvarsi.

Abbassa lo sguardo mentre le dita di Barbatos sfiorano le sue. Con discrezione le stringe appena, e quello sembra bastare a deformare il lineamenti di un bardo in sollievo, paura e gioia insieme.

Zhongli lo osserva e, oggi come allora, non capisce come proteggere una fragilità così immensa.

Prompt: “004. Protagonista è la reincarnazione di altro personaggio vissuto nel passato.”
Missione: M6 (week 6)
Parole: 10175
Rating: teen
Warnings: au, very light petting, shonen-ai

Xingqiu tried. Maybe not since the beginning but, to his defence, he thinks that everyone would be at least surprised (freaked out) if they suddenly met someone they only saw in their dreams until that day and if said person was the most important one.

The first time he dreamt about his past life, Xingqiu was eleven years old and the only thought he had was that it was an incredibly vivid dream and an awesome one. Being the book lover he had always been, to dream about such a detailed world full of adventures, enemies and heroes was all he could have asked for. And since then, every time he dreamt about that world he was able to discover something new— a flower, people he hadn’t met yet, regions he still had to visit. Little by little, his alter ego became conscious of names (Mondstadt, Liyue) and people were not only someone but comrades, friends even. It took him two years to start wondering if maybe all of that was something he had read or seen somewhere because it was starting to feel too real. But he was a child, even if a very smart one.

At thirteen years old something would have made him scream if the education he had had until then hadn’t taught him otherwise. He was walking in the corridor of his old school and a very familiar (too familiar) face showed from one of the other classrooms. He had seen the girl’s features so many times in those dreams and they had had so many adventures that he almost felt like calling her name just to see if it was really her. That was when he heard someone beat him at it with a “Xiangling!” and he had the confirmation he needed: she was, indeed, the same person from his dreams— and it was awful because he felt like she was one of his dearest friends already, but to her he was nothing more than a kid from the other class. 

Maybe I dreamt of her because I saw her somewhere else, in elementary school, he told himself. So he decided to just become her friend in the real world too. Yet, he kept having the same dreams. 

By his fifteenth birthday, Xingqiu had already realised that it wasn’t about dreams and he had read too many books about philosophical theories on the afterlife and reincarnation to not have at least doubts. 

It was hard to accept, but it was not like he was completely against esoteric concepts with his grandmother being quite curious about the topic and a living encyclopedia when it came to legends, and his grandfather being the sort of person who kept telling him how important it was to believe what he could see but also to not dismiss something only because he could not understand it right away. So Xingqiu believe his dreams, the books and the people he kept meting year after year— Xiangling, who bonded with him after giving him a terrible snack to taste-test; Xinyan that he met during a school festival last year because she was basically impossible to ignore while she was performing. He even saw, by chance, two girls that did not attend his school but were in his dreams nonetheless. He talked to them, made friends with them when possible and hoped everything would become clearer with time. Yet why does anyone but him seem to remember?

At some point, though, Xingqiu asked to be sent to a school far from home. Because it became painfully obvious that a lot of people from his dreams were still missing— it was hard because his father didn’t look convinced at all, at first, but with his older brother being the one to inherit the family business, Xingqiu managed to get his permission before the enrollment time ended. There was no guarantee of meeting those he still hadn’t met and, of course, there was a chance of this being the worst possible choice. Maybe he should have stayed there and waited. Perhaps, he should have taken into consideration that if both Xinyan and Xiangling were quite close to him geographically speaking, then it could be the same with the boy from his dreams, the friend called Chongyun. But they never crossed paths in five years of dreams. Xingqiu had to gamble on the tiny chance he had.

*

Sunlight feels so warm against his body, now that he has the time to relax and the days are getting longer. A light breeze blows now and then and makes it so it’s not too hot either and the scent of flowers fills the air as if to suggest that spring has finally come. The gardens around the dormitories are familiar to him by now, after almost two years of attending this school: two large buildings are one in front of the other, one for the boys’ rooms and one for the girls’. No more than ten minutes walking is the time students need to reach the school every day and to go back to the dormitories, which makes it easy for every student to enjoy the extracurricular activities they chose after the first week of their first year. The classes are divided into two groups: the first one is for normal subjects and all the students have to attend in order to have enough credits by the end of the year, with no failing marks; the second group is facultative and every single student can choose an area of expertise that can help them to achieve a solid knowledge that will be useful when the times come for them to choose a major after graduating. 

Xingqiu didn’t even have to think when it was time to choose his facultative classes, because literature was the obvious choice. Most of the people he knew when school started has more or less an idea of what they wanted to study— nobody was surprised to know that Xiangling was going to choose classes that would help her to become a great chef in the future as she wanted since she was ten. Nor someone thought Xinyan would stray far from a music career or whatever could help her to improve in that field, even if she struggled a bit with all the concepts when she had enough talent to play by ear most of the times. 

Now he can’t really hide a smile when he thinks about the people he found in his class that barely knew who he was, while he had no doubts about which choices they would make because he had had countless meetings and chats in his dreams. At some point he wondered if there could be something different but, with time, he decided to not think about it too much. There were occasions when he almost gave it away, this big secret of memories from a past life, because words and conversations and situations were so similar that he felt like being in a dream once again. But, in the end, he managed. So now, after two years (one and eight months to be exact), there is nothing that can really disrupt his peace.

Especially when he finally managed to find Chongyun, of all the people he wanted to meet no matter what, and can enjoy the other’s company to his heart’s content.

Xingqiu feels a cold, slightly calloused hand brush against his forehead to move his hair out of the way. He doesn’t have to open his eyes to know that it’s Chongyun, that he probably thinks he’s still sleeping and that he would feel so embarrassed if Xingqiu had to wake up now. And that is precisely why he smiles, his eyes still closed, and tells him “Your hand is cold, you know?” with no real intention of scolding him, but with a teasing voice that reflects the look he offer to the other one when he finally decides to look at him. Light blue eyes are the first thing he sees and he takes his time to admire them— it’s not easy when the owner of those eyes is blushing so much that the cuteness makes it hard to ignore it.

“...I thought you were sleeping.” “I was.” “...Oh.” Chongyun says, frowning a bit. Xingqiu can almost hear his thoughts and feel the sense of guilt for waking him up with that single touch. “But I was waking up,” he tells him “and I have to finish this book for my essay.” he adds, not that this is a lie. Only, there is no such rush to do it now. Yet, if it can ease the expression on Chongyun’s face, he doesn’t really mind exaggerating this a little bit.

The other seems to relax at his words, so Xingqiu simply takes the book he left open on his stomach during is short nap and starts reading again from where he left off and after adjusting his head on Chongyun’s lap. He feels the other’s gaze on him but pretends not to, golden eyes on the pages. Passing time with Chongyun like this is always an incredibly quiet experience: in the beginning, Xingqiu was not sure how to behave since the Chongyun in his dreams was not a chatterbox but felt a bit friendlier. Then, he understood that no matter how well he knew the other boy, for Chongyun he was nothing more than a stranger he didn’t know how to properly approach. Especially considering their different background— not that Xingqiu has never emphasized his origins anyway. But as much as people know that Barbara is from a wealthy family, he supposes that the same goes for him. Nothing they can do about it. 

It took time, but Xingqiu is quite content with what they have, for now. 

“You should pet my head more.” he suggests as if it’s nothing. He can feel Chongyun freeze on the spot by the way his legs stiffen under Xingqiu’s head. “Won’t you… fall asleep again if I do?” “Probably. But I like it.”

Part of him tells him because he knows Chongyun will feel very shy about it, as much as he does whenever people compliment him or when Xingqiu wants a bit more of skinship between them. The other part is filled with selfishness Xingqiu sometimes feels overwhelmed by. Yet, his mind can’t imagine himself doing anything that Chongyun would really dislike. He’s okay with being the best of friends if that is what Chongyun wants them to be.

“Hm.” is the only answer he gets from him, but the shade of red on the tip of Chongyun’s ears is more than enough for him. Xingqiu moves slowly, turning on a side in order to give his back to the male dormitory and rubs his face against Chongyun’s stomach to catch his attention. It’s barely audible, but he hears a small snort seconds before Chongyun’s hand is petting him again.

“You look like a cat, sometimes.” he says. Xingqiu smiles, unseen.

*

It might seem a cliché, but their first meeting was in this library during a day Xingqiu was on duty like he is today. School had started for three weeks and he still hadn’t met a lot of people he used to saw in his dreams while some others popped up before he could even try to find them. Like Albedo: Xingqiu had basically stepped on him, almost, while he was looking for a spot to comfortably read in the gardens and he ended up stepping on some of Albedo’s tools. It took him an instant to apologise and a few seconds to realise who he was talking to— he felt ecstatic, to be able to talk to someone he admired so much in his previous life. Albedo didn’t show any sign of recognising him and he didn’t blame him at all, the calm behaviour still there as if they never reincarnated at all. Yet, after two years and Albedo graduating last year, Xingqiu understood that he probably always knew and that maybe he was one of the few people that could have had a conversation with Xingqiu about Liyue or Mondstadt without questioning his sanity. 

Sometimes, though, Xingqiu had found him with a sort of lost look on his face and thought, without asking him for a confirmation, that whatever Albedo remembered by his previous life was nothing he wanted to talk about. If anything, not with Xingqiu. And despite his curiosity, which is as insatiable as a starved beast’s, he respected his choice. After all, there were part of his previous life that even Xingqiu couldn’t see clearly in his dreams but made him wake up in cold sweat and a feeling of pain and sorrow, at times.

If Albedo had been very easy to spot and make contact with, though, Chongyun had been impossible. To the point that Xingqiu even wondered if the other actually enrolled at the same school as him. At least, until he noticed him lose his way through the shelves, looking for who knows which book. It was so sudden that no matter how many times Xingqiu had fantasised about their reunion, he just stayed there for what felt like an eternity. And it was actually Chongyun the one to approach first, with his shy behaviour and no eye contact whatsoever.

“Are you… the person on duty?” he asked in such a quiet voice that Xingqiu answered without even being sure of what the question was about. Luckily enough he didn’t sound like a fool. “I was looking for… esoteric books.” Chongyun admitted like it was a shame or something really weird for someone their age. He couldn’t possibly know that to hear him talking about something so familiar, so like him made Xingqiu feel so reassured he almost wanted to cry instead of giving him a smile and offering to show him which shelf it was.  

Right now, the library is very quiet as it is supposed to be. The nice weather doesn't really make people feel like staying indoors instead of a good walk in the gardens or instead of basking under the sunlight, but Xingqiu doesn't mind the idea of being alone there. Surrounded by books is where he has always been able to feel calm and that helped him find a proper state of mind even when it seemed impossible. He spent hours reading alone in his room when he was still back home and even now. When he's on duty and nobody is around, he slowly walks among the shelves and puts back some of the books or, like now that most of the work has already been taken care of, he simply enjoys the feeling of being alone and relaxed. That is the reason why, when he hears the door opening, Xingqiu can't help but peek out from behind a shelf to see who just entered.

To his surprise, it's Noelle. The surprise is not because she rarely visits the place (in fact, she reads almost as much as him he suspects), but because she is rarely seen without Barbara. When they met for the first time, it took him only a couple of glances to understand that Barbara was from a wealthy family. In facts, she had the attitude but walking with a maid that resembled a bodyguard a lot gave it away. He was curious, so he approached them— he remembered them even though they weren't really that close in his dreams, but in that world where elemental powers (Visions?) were cast upon several people, he thinks that somehow he felt close to Barbara because of their affinity with water. Regarding Noelle, she seemed a quiet, gentle girl. Xingqiu supposes that if he had had the chance to interact more with those from Mondstadt, they could have been great friends.

Now, in this life, she doesn't seem different: still a quiet, discreet, kind girl that takes good care of Barbara and that would surely do it even if their social status was the same. No, to be honest, Xingqiu thinks that Noelle doesn't take it into consideration when it comes to protect Barbara or being her friend. It's like a knight in shining armour that can also be delicate and caring enough to make even the cruellest reality kind of sweet. 

Noelle notices him and gives him a smile. She is quite timid, in a way that reminds Xingqiu of Chongyun, which made really hard to not like Noelle. Not that he had any reason to.

He moves from the spot where he was standing and waves a hand at her until they are close enough that he doesn't have to raise his voice to be heard. "Noelle." he greets her with a small bow. It's not really something that is used nowadays but she always takes it as a funny way he has of greeting people in general. But truth to be told, Xingqiu rarely behaves like that with the others; it's just that Noelle has always given him the impression of understanding. Like Albedo did and, at the same time, unlike him.

Noelle chuckles, barely hearable as she covers her mouth with her hand in a very polite gesture. It's a brief yet honest reaction, so he does not feel offended at all.

"Are you here for a book in particular?" he asks, ready to help her since she's the first to come to the library today. She looks around for a second, dubious expression on her face and a vague uncertainty in her eyes. "Call me if you don't find something." he adds when he notices that perhaps, whatever she's looking for, might be a very private interest. 

"Uhm—!" she tries to stop him, too quick to sound natural. When he looks back at her, Xingqiu finds a shy, troubled face "I have, in fact, come here with a specific topic in mind." she admits, a bit uncomfortable. Xingqiu would like to tell her that she doesn't have to explain only because he's on duty, since he only cares about books not being damaged and not being kept for too long when the date on the inner cover clearly says otherwise. Yet, before he can even begin to reassure her, Noelle seems to find enough courage to speak.

"I was wondering if there was a section about... counselling for very personal matters that people can need at some point in their lives. Since I'm not... well-versed when it comes to the many kinds of relationship people can have, so..."

Xingqiu doesn't really want to sound rude but it's very hard to put it in a way that won't make her feel even more uncomfortable than she already is. Unfortunately, he has read too many books and seen too many dreams to not guess almost immediately where this is going to.

"Forgive me if I'm wrong and if it's not very polite to ask you like this, but are you looking for advice about love?" he tries. The way she blushes almost to the tip of her ears speaks louder than any reply she could give him if she wasn't (probably) think about the quickest way to have the floor swallow her up. He feels almost guilty.

"I apologise," he offers with a small smile "I'm too used at being very... direct with Chongyun." and that is very true, because he sometimes tells him embarrassing things on purpose, but as per why he does so it's not something Noelle can be interested in, for sure. At this point, he doesn't know what else to say and he's about to leave her some space but, again, the former maid stops him with such a soft voice that it's like trying to listen to a timid nightingale too weak to properly chirp.

"Do you... know where I can find them?" she manages to ask him and Xingqiu expected a lot of things, but an admission was not among them. "I think you shouldn't really depend on books for this." he tells her. When she looks up at him, Xingqiu can easily notice that she seems dispirited as if she lost her only hope. "Maybe... talk about it with Barbara?"

Okay, judging from Noelle's expression this was a terrible suggestion.

"I couldn't possibly bother Lady Barbara with this!" she says, not really shouting but the panic is obviously there "I... could I ask for your assistance on the matter?"

This is unexpected.

"I am not sure I will be of some help, but if you think it's worth a try... at least, I have read a lot of books with romance in them and you can use me like an encyclopedia."

*

Of all the things Xingqiu could have thought, Noelle asking him about how she was supposed to reply to the confession of a girl was not even in the top five of possible advice. So when she mentioned it, for a second Xingqiu's brain kind of gave up— he was able to not show it, because he knew that Noelle would have felt worse if he did, and managed to listen to her until the end. His mind, though, couldn't help but search for a memory from the previous life, only to remember that it was useless. After Aether found his twin sister, it's very confusing, like a mist Xingqiu can't see through no matter what.

And now they have been in silence for a while, Noelle with her eyes glued to the desk and Xingqiu observing her.

"So," he clears his voice, "you have been friends with her for a long time. You enjoy each other's company and share a good number of interests. And she confessed." he adds, resuming more or less what he was able to understand from Noelle's embarrassed explanation until now. She nods, too shy to make eye contact with him.

"But you don't know how to respond. Is it because you don't like her?" "No, I... there is no way  I wouldn't like her back. As a friend, I deeply care for her and... she helped me and stayed with me in a lot of situations. She showed kindness and offered her friendship to Lady Barbara too." Noelle explains, nothing that Xingqiu doesn't know already just by observing the other students. It's not like he doesn't understand where her fears and doubts come from but, if he has to be honest, it has never been about accepting in his case. He knew that Chongyun was a special person by his previous life and, once he managed to find him there in the library after five years of dreams, Xingqiu simply felt that nothing was different. Chongyun was still an incredibly important existence that he needed to be there. If he could have his love that would be the best conclusion to an amazing fairytale, but Xingqiu knows better than to chase after the happy ending at all costs.

"I don't really understand, Noelle." he admits, stretching his arms "I would give her a reply. If you care for her in the same way, tell her. If you don't, make sure to express that you are grateful for her feelings even if yours are different. In any case, it depends on your heart."

"My heart..." she repeats, trying to figure out the true meaning of that sentence. "But my heart might be deceived. What if these feelings I have are because of something I remember and not something I truly feel?" she says, her voice trembling a little. It makes her look so fragile despite Xingqiu knowing very well how strong she can be— how strong she is (was).

Her words, though, are what strike him. It is not a casual sentence, because Noelle doesn't seem the kind of person who would say something just for the sake of it, especially during such a talk and considering how much it means for her. Why should she be afraid of misunderstanding her own feelings, it's what Xingqiu doesn't get.

"Forgive my rudeness and, if I'm wrong, I deeply apologise" Noelle's voice catches his attention "but... I was under the impression that you were the same as me, Master Xingqiu." "You don't have to call me 'master', Noelle." he corrects her, knowing that it will be useless this time too. She simply feels this much difference when it comes to wealthy families. "But you were saying?" he half urges her to continue.

She looks at him and she must be debating if it's okay to explain further or not.

"Don't you... have memories of a different past? One where we stayed at Aether's side but not at Lumine's?"

Xingqiu feels ice in his veins. And, at the same time, something inside him burns.

*

It takes him days to figure out how this makes him feel. He thought for years about how it would have been if only there was someone he could talk to, someone that shared this whole mess of previous life memories he continued to dream of. When he fantasized about having a friend who could really understand him, for some reason he expected it to be Xiangling. Yes, he had his suspects regarding Albedo but that was a different story and a very different situation. There is nothing wrong with Noelle, he just didn't expect it to be her.

Despite his surprise, there is no way he can avoid her now that he knows. He wouldn't have done it anyway, since they get along pretty well, but all the more now that he feels there is this connection between them. In the beginning, it's kind of strange, like meeting up because you share a secret that the other could tell everybody else. Yet they end up relaxing when they are around each other and it's... Xingqiu isn't sure how he should describe the feeling. Like a weight finally off his shoulders, maybe. Or the awareness of not being alone anymore.

"Is Noelle... studying more, recently?"

Xingqiu wouldn't say that Chongyun is uninterested in other people. On the contrary, he knows that he would love to have more people around (maybe not too many, but still) and that he simply stops himself from approaching them more often because he has what Xingqiu would call a very low self-esteem. To think that Chongyun is so adorable that he can't even imagine someone not like him... yet this is the first time that the other shows interest in what a person in particular is doing.

“Well, she is serious when it comes to her studies.” he comments, since it’s no mystery that she wants to be capable enough to support Barbara in the future too… even though they chose two completely different paths, it’s kind of admirable. “But not really. Why?” he asks, looking up from the book he has to use as a reference for his homework. They agreed to study together and it’s something they often do despite the different subjects sometimes, so Xingqiu didn’t have a reason to refuse this time either.

Noelle’s words haven’t exactly confused him, but it would be a lie to say that he didn’t understand the fear of not being in control of the feelings they have or the anxiety of not being able to say that they are not influenced by the past. Yet, Noelle told him that she started having those dreams later than him, so Xingqiu supposes that he simply had more time to adjust to the whole situation, to accept everything. Maybe it helped him that Chongyun never showed any sign of remembering or recognising him and yet he chose him anyway— as a friend. That was the only thing Xingqiu wanted to achieve no matter what. If he has to sacrifice everything else… if the day comes when Chongyun will show interest in someone else, then so be it. This is the only thing Xingqiu is not willing to bet on.

There is no all or nothing when it comes to his relationship with Chongyun, so—

“Xingqiu!”

Chongyun’s voice interrupts his stream of consciousness, especially because he can easily recognise the slight worry in his voice and in his gaze when they make eye contact. Also, Chongyun’s hand is brushing against his cheek, as if to make sure he doesn’t feel sick. As always, his fingertips are cold; sometimes Xingqiu wonders if it is because he used to have a cryo vision in his previous life or if it’s only because of nervousness.

“Are you okay?” “Yes, sorry. I spaced out. What were we talking about?” he tries to dissimulate, knowing all too well that sometimes he doesn’t succeed at all but Chongyun simply decides to not force him to tell him what’s going on. This is one of those times. But his expression betrays him: there must be something else that Xingqiu is missing on.

“Do you like Noelle?” “...What?” “Because…” Chongyun tries to keep going despite this being the kind of talk he’s absolutely not used to. If Xingqiu has managed to have the status quo between them is also thanks to this topic never coming up with the other. “Because they said—”

“Who said what?” it comes out more irritated than he wanted to. But everything is already complicated enough without people spreading rumours just for fun. He also feels sorry for Noelle, who is mustering her courage to give an answer to someone dear to her.

“Someone from Noelle’s class. I don’t know their names. But they kept talking about you being always together at the library, so I thought that… if you need more free time, we could just—” “What.” Xingqiu cuts him off, a sense of irritation that it’s hard to ignore or calm down. He looks up at Chongyun, forces him to have eye contact and moves slightly away so that Chongyun’s fingers are not brushing against his cheek anymore.

“Will you stop spending time with me without even knowing if it’s true?” “That’s why I asked you—” “But you believed them enough to feel like asking!” he raises his voice. Not too much, but more than he has ever done since they met. The rational part of his mind knows that it doesn’t make sense to be angry at Chongyun, that he will never understand because he does not remember. That he means well. Yet, Xingqiu stands up and hurriedly puts his things back in his bag.

“Xingqiu, wait—” “Sorry. I have to finish something somewhere else.” is the lamest excuse he could come up with to run away, but it’s still better than giving up to his instincts and tell him something worse he would end up regretting for the rest of his life.

Must be nice to not remember anything.

*

“I feel horrible.” he murmurs, his head hidden by his crossed arms on the table. He can feel Aether’s gaze on him, but not even the presence of his favourite person (after Chongyun) can raise his spirit or make him feel less horrible and less stupid. Even if a small part of him never wants to be a cause of worry for Aether. 

“Is he alive?” Albedo’s voice asks, not exactly worried but Xingqiu wants to think that he already understood enough about his senior to be able to interpret most of the things he says. Even those that might sound rude to the people that don’t know him well. There is a mute exchange between the other two that Xingqiu can’t see because of his position, but he doesn’t need to look at them to know that Aether is probably telling Albedo to have mercy through that sort of telepathy they seem to share.

“Apparently, he had a fight with Chongyun.” Aether carefully offers as an explanation. It doesn’t take long for Albedo to add a simple “Why not apologise instead of agonizing here?” which is not a bad piece of advice but Xingqiu is not in the mood for mature behaviour right now.

“I don’t want to listen to you, of all people, talking about doing the obvious thing instead of agonizing.” Xingqiu tells him, peeking at them without completely lifting his face yet. “It took you ages to confess,” he keeps talking “and thanks to me.” he adds, a small pout on his lips without him noticing. Fortunately, Xingqiu knows how far he can go without enraging Albedo (an experience he wants to avoid at all costs for a lot of reasons”. So Xingqiu is not surprised by the lack of response from him. 

“Then you should follow your own advice.” Albedo tells him as he stands up, his eyes on Aether as their fingers brush against each other discreetly. Xingqiu has noticed it since the first time they exchanged some affection after getting together— or maybe it was even before then: every time they touch (as a greeting, as a quiet show of love) it’s barely noticeable. Xingqiu doesn’t know how they manage because, if he could, he would show his feelings for Chongyun in a very different way. At the same time, though… there is something incredibly tender in what they have. He is glad they got together in the end, especially because Aether literally shines when he is with Albedo.

Both Xingqiu and Aether follow Albedo with their eyes until he cannot be seen anymore. He probably went to buy something or to pay a visit to his former teacher, Zhongli, to give them some time to talk. Xingqiu appreciates the sentiment.

For several minutes, silence fills the room. Xingqiu knows that he is probably quite biased when it comes to Aether, but it’s a fact that when he’s with the former traveler he can feel completely relaxed and comfortable is something undeniable. He supposes that this is one of the things that will never change compared to his previous life. Aether must be waiting for the right moment to ask a question. Xingqiu doesn’t need to wait that long before the other’s voice reaches him.

“Is it something you can’t apologise for?” he asks. Xingqiu wonders if he will be this weak when it comes to Aether for the rest of his life and for the next lives that he will probably go through. Despite how he would avoid answering if it were anybody else, he just sighs.

“Not really. I just feel bad and I don’t know how to explain some things.” “Why did you fight in the first place? I have the feeling that you and Chongyun have such a great relationship that getting into a fight is almost impossible for you.” Aether admits, no ill intent in his words. Xingqiu knows that the impression he has about them must be the same others have when they look at him and Chongyun and he wouldn’t deny it. Unfortunately, their relationship isn’t perfect either. It happens, when only one has stupid memories about their stupid previous life.

“He heard a rumour that me and Noelle like each other or that we are dating.” he answers, not missing the expression on Aether’s face. It’s way too obvious that he knows about Lumine confessing to Noelle― of course, he knows the twins are basically glued together. Xingqiu was happy for them when he saw that, at least in this life, they were not separated anymore. “And before you start worrying, we are not. We just spend time together because we share some… let’s say we have some things in common that we found out only recently. Also, she came to me to ask for love advice.”

He knows, just by looking at Aether, that he’s about to laugh. If only he wasn’t adorable enough to just chuckle to try to not sound rude, Xingqiu knows he would laugh at the situation, since he knows exactly who is the other end of this love advice.

“I got irritated because… I mean, me and Noelle? And I feel sorry for her, she is really trying her best to come up with a reply for the person who confessed to her and now stupid rumours are going to make it very complicated. Hopefully, the one who confessed won’t get the wrong idea.” he adds without Lumine’s name coming up because there’s no need to. Aether looks quite relaxed, now.

“I think that the one who confessed to Noelle knows that the rumours are nothing to be taken seriously.” “Are you saying that I’m not a good catch?” Xingqiu jokes because he prefers the atmosphere they have now instead of the one they previously had, and if he has to pretend that the focus is him being the perfect boyfriend every parent would like he’s more than willing to do so. Even if it’s out of character. Unfortunately, Aether is the best confident but also that friend who doesn’t allow you to dwell too much in your depression without trying to figure out how to solve the problem.

“You are.” he concedes “You know you are a caring person, Xingqiu. But my sister was the first one to notice that your affection is not for Noelle. Not the one of a boyfriend, at least.” he adds. Xingqiu loves Aether very much, but sometimes the twins really are too direct. And too smart. Aether reaches out for him with his hand, taking Xingqiu’s. If things were different, Xingqiu thinks that it wouldn’t have been so strange for him to fall in love with Aether instead― he kissed him once, after all, even if it was only to give a tiny push to Albedo who was being unbearably slow.

“Anyway, I think you could just try to explain to Chongyun why you were so irritated by the situation.” Aether offers that advice and Xingqiu hates the fact that he knows it’s the right thing to do.

“That implies that I have to confess.” “Would it be so terrible?” “…I don’t think he feels the same about me.” he admits. It’s true that between being Chongyun’s best friend for the rest of his life and nothing, Xingqiu would undoubtedly choose the first option. But there is not a single soul that is not afraid of confessing to another, to wear their heart on their sleeve. He’s no exception, no matter how many books he has read or how many dreams he has seen― it doesn't matter that in those dreams, in their past life, it looked like they were more than friends at some point. There’s no guarantee that it will be the same now.

“And I don’t want him to distance himself from me once he knows.” “I know.” Aether says and Xingqiu has no doubt about him truly knowing how this feels like because it’s probably the same fear he had before he and Albedo got together. With or without memories from another life. He feels Aether’s hand squeeze his own. “But is Chongyun the kind of person who would distance himself from you because of this?”

Xingqiu doesn’t know. Is he?

*

Xingqiu doesn’t consider himself a coward; in fact, he tends to despise acts of cowardice and can rarely excuse them. It’s not like he’s avoiding Chongyun, it’s just that their schedules rarely fit since their fight and Xingqiu is not exactly… forcing them to fit in order to have some time alone with him. Group projects for their joint classes or group hangouts are still okay, but Xingqiu knows that almost everyone has noticed that something is off. Some of them, like Xiangling who has been his friend for years, directly asked him; others, like Noelle, only looks at him worriedly from time to time and wondering if she should interfere or not.

Aether is not judging him but Xingqiu feels like every time their eyes meet is as if the other is telling him shouldn’t you stop running away?

The worst thing is that Xingqiu knows he’s right― Aether or his conscience that loves to communicate with him making it sound like Aether.

Now, though, what Xingqiu didn’t expect during a group hangout was for Razor of all people to stick to him. Not that he doesn’t like him: at first he didn’t know how to approach him― to be honest, Xingqiu has not many memories of him from his previous life and dreams, only vague ones about Razor being close to Aether. But after getting used to him, Xingqiu noticed that he’s not so different from Chongyun, in a sense. They are both honest, a bit clumsy (which makes them very cute in their own way) and unable to lie; that is something Xingqiu appreciates. Well, he also likes to make fun of them since they tend to believe anything he tells them, but it’s never because of ill intent. In the end, he makes up to them.

Despite this, Razor is usually glued to Bennett and Aether (or Lumine), not to him. Not until today, apparently. The good thing about Razor’s company is that he’s not exactly a chatterbox; the bad thing is that Xingqiu doesn’t like not being able to understand what’s going on in the other’s mind very much. And it’s very unusual for him to not offer his help to buy drinks and bring them here considered that Lumine has gone with her twin alone.

“Do you” Xingqiu begins, his eyes wandering in the direction of the group a few meters away, where Chongyun is “need something?” he asks. Razor, as if he was waiting or this question in particular, immediately looks at him. This is going to be a very hard conversation. “You are not good.” he replies which, really, Xingqiu has no idea what it is supposed to mean. Razor usually speaks in a very simple way, since he’s still learning their language with him coming from another country and all, but sometimes his simple and brief sentences are hard to understand.

“Not good?” he repeats, confused. Razor nods but, luckily, he decides to say something more: “You are not happy.” he adds “You not like the lake?”

Xingqiu is dumbfounded, for a moment. It never occurred to him that Razor could be simply worried about him or that he gave away so easily that he was not in the mood to enjoy the relaxing visit to the lake during their first weekend without too many assignments. He feels guilty. If only he had talked to Chongyun the atmosphere would have been better without any of them having to be considerate of him.

“No, I like the lake. I like being close to the water in general.” he replies, offering an apologetic smile. Razor seems to study him and then he’s suddenly too close for comfort― at least Razor is known for having no sense of personal space and Xingqiu doesn’t mind too much. “Then you sick?” the other asks, putting his forehead against Xingqiu’s before he can even answer and reassure him. Yet, it makes Xingqiu chuckle because, really, Razor is such a good boy.

…No previous life-related pun intended.

“No, I’m fine, really.” “Hmmm…” for sure Xingqiu never knew how stubborn Razor could be until now. “Lumine told me you and Chongyun fight. But you still talk today. So I don’t understand well.” he admits. Probably Lumine told some of them out of consideration so that nobody would ask questions or make them tense.

“I just have to apologise.” Xingqiu admits. At this point, there’s nothing else to do. Also, he’s tired of not spending time comfortably with Chongyun like they used to. He has no time to think about what to say to his friend, though, because Razor suddenly grabs his wrist and pulls him towards the group. “Wait―” “I go with you. We apologise together.” Razor tells him with such confidence that Xingqiu can’t reject him. To think that it was such a simple thing to do. Maybe Albedo was right, after all.

*

He feels a feather-like touch against his neck, the soft sensation of lips kissing him with the utmost affection and care. There is an arm around his waist, but he also realizes that his legs are wrapped around someone’s body. The hand that is not on his hip slowly caresses his back. It’s a very intimate situation and Xingqiu feels butterflies in his stomach, so to say. Yet it’s something more than a cliché feeling he could find in a romance novel. It’s a mix of nervousness, anticipation and… excitement. A lock of hair tickles his cheek and, when he turns his head enough to peer at the face of the other person, he recognises that light colour as the one of Chongyun’s hair. The sudden realization strikes him like the rush of warmth that he feels in his body.

Instinctively, he moves his hips to have more contact with Chongyun’s body and he feels his excitement grow enough that he lets a low, soft moan escape his lips. They are still completely dressed, so Xingqiu doesn’t know how he should consider this but it makes him ask for more. Not that he pronounces any of the thoughts that are filling his mind.

“Xingqiu…” a single whisper is all it takes for him to feel a shiver along his spine. Chongyun has never called his name in such a sweet voice, with so much love that would make him feel almost embarrassed if he were to use it in front of other people. Only once, in a dream of his previous life, Xingqiu has heard something similar to this and, at the same time, not quite the same. Another kiss on the neck, so innocent that even without hearing his voice or seeing part of his face, Xingqiu would know for sure that it’s Chongyun and that everything belongs to him― the body against his, the arm that is hugging him, the lips that are kissing him.

“Can I―” Chongyun asks, but what is supposed to come after that, Xingqiu doesn’t know.

He wakes up, the dim light of the sunshine coming through the curtains. Golden eyes, wide open, stare at the ceiling as his chest rises and falls because of his quickened breath. The realization of the almost wet dream he just had about Chongyun sinks like the heaviest rock.

He really has to do something about this.

*

Inviting Chongyun in his room to study is the worst idea ever, especially after the last dream he had, but he asks him anyway and (as expected) Chongyun accepts. He looks so happy about being together again after the day Xingqiu apologised with Razor at his right side as if he needed a bodyguard to admit that he was sorry, that Xingqiu feels guilty. He never really explained to the other boy what made him mad about the whole Noelle rumour and promised he would tell him another day because they are all together to enjoy the day and he wouldn’t want to waste time more than he already had. The truth is Xingqiu wasn’t ready and, for sure, he still isn’t.

Now they have been studying diligently for almost an hour, with no real distractions; Chongyun hasn’t asked him questions, probably because he trusts him completely and he’s waiting for Xingqiu to start the conversation. He doesn’t know why Aether was so sure this would be easy or that he could feel better after telling Chongyun everything.

“Do you want to take a break?” “Yes!” Chongyun replies, too quick to sound casual. Now that Xingqiu finally takes his time to observe him, he notices that Chongyun is a bit stiff and looks like he’s expecting a giant boar to come out from the closet and try to eat him alive. He was too focused on the internal struggle that he barely noticed when it was so obvious that it almost hurts. Xingqiu’s eye stay there on his friend’s face and pretends to not see how the tips of his ears get redder out of embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I mean… yes, let’s take a break.” Chongyun says, quieter than usual. It makes him want to hug him and tell him that it’s okay, no matter what his answer will be. “Do you want to talk first?” Xingqiu asks because really, at this point it’s not like he can keep pretending that everything is alright or that he forgot his promise to explain everything. The way Chongyun looks up from his notebook to him, hopeful, literally destroys whatever willpower Xingqiu still had left in him.

“Okay.” he moves from his position to close the distance between them. He makes it so that it’s still comfortable enough for the both of them― part of his mind is busy with repeating a stupid don’t run away, don’t run away, don’t run away that he’s not sure if it’s more for him or for Chongyun. The other only adjusts himself so that he can face Xingqiu properly and stay quiet, waiting for him to start talking.

“When you asked me about Noelle,” he begins, “I got irritated. Partly because we had talked about her crush and she was thinking really hard about what to do that I would have hated if some silly rumours were going to make it harder for her and who I supposed is her partner at this point.” he admits, which is not a lie but he knows that there is more than this honourable reason. Chongyun seems to feel really bad knowing this, as if by asking him he helped those rumours to spread and worsened the situation. Xingqiu can’t help but offer him a kind, reassuring smile. He takes Chongyun’s hand in his own, giving it a small encouraging squeeze. Who knows if, after telling him the truth, Chongyun will let go of his hand.

“But,” Xingqiu keeps talking “there is something else I need to tell you. The other reason why I was angry.”

For a few seconds, the silence is unbearable and Xingqiu wonders if he should have stayed quiet. To think that he still hasn't confessed yet and that he's already this scared is enough for him to understand how much courage it takes to risk everything without knowing how it will end. There is nothing that can be of help in this situation: whatever happened in their previous life, whatever they had before means almost nothing since Chongyun doesn't remember it. And even if he did, it would be awful to think that he could feel obligated to feel the same. Who knows, maybe considering that even with memories Chongyun could reject him or just love him as a friend can help Xingqiu to face this with at least some dignity.

"I'm listening." Chongyun tells him, in a soft way to say that it's okay, he can talk to him. Xingqiu feels like an idiot. Haven't they been friends for years? Doesn't he know better than anyone else how much Chongyun treasures the people he has in his life, how much he would do for them? The person he met in this life and the one he cared for in the past are the same when it comes to this: they would never disregard the feelings of another person without trying to understand them first. Xingqiu's worries suddenly sound so stupid— but he is still afraid.

"I am in love with you." he blurts out. He could have used thousands of words because with all the books he read if there is something he doesn't lack is words. He could have told him of perfect feelings and many reasons behind them, he could have revealed all about his dreams, how he found out about having had an important person in a life so distant from him and yet so close when he was only eleven. Of all the possible options for a confession, he just told him. Unable to keep it bottled up more than this, too tired to keep pretending, too afraid of losing him without even trying. And now Chongyun is looking at him like Xingqiu has just spoken in a language he can't understand.

Xingqiu lowers his gaze, instinctively search for their hands, afraid of seeing Chongyun's letting go of his. It doesn't happen and he thinks well, better than nothing.

The silence is killing him. He can bear with it for a few seconds, for a minute or two, but then it starts to feel like hours and he has to look up at him. Ready for a very negative reaction (not disgust, but some sort of confusion and shock for sure), he finds himself looking at Chongyun's face getting redder and redder. Okay. Embarrassment was to be expected.

"...are you angry?" he asks, tentatively. Chongyun raises his head so quickly that if Xingqiu had been closer he would have surely hit Xingqiu's chin. "I'm—" he tries but starts babbling something that Xingqiu can't really understand "I'm..." he tries again, his voice getting weaker and weaker by the time he gives up talking. Xingqiu doesn't know what to do. Urging him doesn't sound very smart.

"I know." he clears his throat and pretends to not notice that despite the fact that Chongyun is still holding his hand, his eyes look somewhere else. "You probably think of me as a friend. I... don't really want to make you uncomfortable. I'm okay with you not feeling the same, so if you are thinking about having to reciprocate because otherwise I will stop talking to you or anything like that, I want you to know that you are wrong." he manages to find a decent way to put this. Surprisingly, once he starts talking it gets easier. Not that he can erase the confession from Chongyun's mind anyway.

"I just wanted you to know. But the fact that you are important to me doesn't change with your answer. To be honest, I... thought of not telling you." Xingqiu admits and he hopes his voice won't betray him now. No trembling, no uncertainties. He doesn't know why, but this last sentence seems to wake Chongyun up from whatever is going on in his mind. "Why?"

That is a complicated question. Yet, Xingqiu knew that confessing would bring up questions like this. He supposes it's only fair to give Chongyun all the answers he wants from him.

"Because I don't think you feel the same." he chooses to be honest. No tricks, no small jokes, no making fun of how pure and clumsy Chongyun is. Not this time. "And I think this could make you uncomfortable. That it will change the relationship we have for the worse. I know you don't like to talk about this topic, we basically never mention others' relationships and I'm okay with it. I mean, I like what we have. Just... I felt horrible for getting angry at you because I knew you didn't mean to make me feel bad in any way. That's why I decided to tell you in the end. I want you to know that I don't look at Noelle that way because, to begin with, I don't like girls."

"So you... liked other boys before?" this is not what he thought Chongyun would ask. But does it matter at this point? "Not like you. But I kissed one." "Someone I know?"

Okay, he shouldn't chuckle. He manages to keep it at an amused smile as he replies "Aether."

Chongyun's eyes widen. This could become a bigger misunderstanding than the one regarding Noelle and the romantic meetings in the library.

"It was because it was frustrating how slow he and Albedo were. Basically, the whole dormitory had noticed they had feelings for each other. So I just gave a little push. But both me and Aether doesn't think much of it, I mean... not in a romantic way. Does knowing this make you feel bad?"

Chongyun is quiet, probably trying to process all the information he got. Xingqiu gives him all the time he needs— a small voice in his head keeps insulting him for mentioning the kiss. Too late.

"Not bad, but..." the other mumbles, peering at him. "Do you want to?" "What?" "Kiss Aether now."

...Seriously, he loves Chongyun but how on earth did he come to that conclusion is beyond Xingqiu's comprehension.

"No." he answers, patiently. Should he dare to ask more, since Chongyun doesn't seem too uncomfortable while talking about boys kissing each other? "Do you?"

"No, I don't like Aether that way."

This time, Xingqiu can't help but laugh. Probably it helps that all this nerve-wracking situation lost its pathos with the last answer Chongyun gave him; or, perhaps, it's the fact that despite everything he can still feel Chongyun's hand holding his— he's not letting go. Maybe he won't for a long time.

"I would have felt very betrayed if you did." he admits and moves his free hand to grab Chongyun's other one. He sees the other looking down at them for a moment and then they have some eye contact again. "I meant, do you... want to kiss a boy? Generally speaking."

Chongyun is so embarrassed and it shows so much on his face that it's basically impossible to ignore it or to pretend he didn't notice it. Xingqiu is starting to feel bad enough to consider the option of telling the other that it's okay, he doesn't have to answer and that they can just go back to what they usually do. After all, he never meant for the confession to become nothing more than what it is supposed to be.

"You." Chongyun replies, his voice almost a whisper that Xingqiu almost doesn't hear. Not that he can easily believe it to not be a trick of his mind because Chongyun doesn't even look at people for too long, let alone telling them he wants to kiss them.

"You say that you don't expect me to like you back, but..." he says and, really, those words have all of Xingqiu's attention "Why? I thought you... noticed. That I like you too."

When exactly was he supposed to notice it?!

"...But you never told me!" "I hold your hands all the time, though." Chongyun points out. Wait. Was that a sign of obvious adoration he missed? Because even five years old hold hands but it doesn't make them a married couple. "Me and Xiangling held hands a lot when we were children." "But I only do it with you."

This is giving him a headache.

"So you are going to tell me that even letting me use your lap as a pillow was your way of telling me you like me?" "...I also play with your hair sometimes." he admits as if he's confessing the worst crime a person could commit. Xingqiu feels that it's better to not ask further. Because if these are some of the occasions where Chongyun showed him his feelings, he doesn't even want to think about how many more he missed.

Xingqiu feels his hand squeezed and it catches his attention. When he looks up he finds Chongyun's face too close.

"I don't know how to kiss, though." he candidly admits. "I don't care." Xingqiu replies because he really couldn't care less about Chongyun being inexperienced. To be honest, better than him knowing exactly what to do.

"So now we can kiss, right?"

Xingqiu snorts and pulls him by his hand, closer.

Prompt: fuori stagione
Missione: m2 (week 2)
Parole: 7375
Rating: gen
Warnings: //

Aether likes to help people. Since becoming an Honorary Knight, or maybe even before, he can’t really refuse odd jobs and small missions when people go to him obviously in need. It all started with the Knights of Favonius and then the Adventurer Guild and before he realised he was already doing it just because. Somehow it became really hard for him to refuse those who shared their stories with him, no matter if adults or children, men or women. He had nothing to lose by accepting and only something to gain— friendships and acquaintances, the feeling of being part of this world somehow and despite everything.

It’s a request that brought him in Dragonspine and to Albedo; it was Aether’s will to help the research of an alchemist what made him stay, gain a friend. Something also very different from a normal one, because sometimes Aether feels like Albedo knows and understands in a way nobody else would. Sometimes they are together and silence fills the room and despite this, Aether doesn’t feel pressured to speak. It’s something he rarely experienced with anyone but Lumine.

Aether likes to help people but sometimes the requests are just… terrible. He knows it’s his fault for not refusing, as Paimon already remembered him twice. Still, he looks at the small islands of the Guyun Stone Forest area and one of the rocks where he could climb and see better what he wishes to have mistaken for something else. So he does: in comparison with other mountains it’s quite easy and quick to climb on a simple rock and it helps to have a better view. In front of him, there is a big, wooden box… underwater. When someone asked him to retrieve the content at least, if not the whole box, Aether never thought it would be underwater. A place where he absolutely doesn’t want to go near to during winter but here he is, with no other way to solve the problem.

“Is the box so interesting?” a voice asks, too close for comfort and Aether is unsheathing his sword before his brain can even vaguely process the fact that it’s a human voice (so no hilichurls for now) and a familiar one on top of that. His eyes frantically look around just to notice a blonde head. Paimon’s voice calling a very surprised “Albedo?!” sends a shiver of relief down his spine. Aether puts his sword back into its sheath and jumps down the rock, only to find Albedo a couple of steps afar. The alchemist has no heavy luggage with him and travels alone, which is not very surprising. 

“Are you here alone?” Aether asks, unable to conceal a tiny bit of worry in his voice. Albedo nods “I need some more Magical Crystals but those that came to Mondstadt in the last order I placed are not enough. Unfortunately the closer locations were emptied already.” he briefly explains, leaving no doubts about the rest of the story. Instead of dispatching a team, he came himself. 

“I would have brought them if I knew it.” Aether offers “Since I’m here anyway.” “Another request you enjoy so much?” Albedo humours him, but only a little bit. There is no trace of sarcasm and Aether appreciates it, yet can still give him an apologetic smile because he knows that there’s some teasing there. “Yes,” the Traveler replies as he goes back to look at the box “I’m trying to figure out how to bring the box out of the water.”

Albedo’s blue eyes wander around, searching for something specific he doesn’t seem to find. “I think there are to possible choices.” the Chief Alchemist tells him, so Aether leaves the box alone to focus on the other instead “Either there is a mechanism somewhere, so you just need to find it and activate it so the box could come out of the water, or there is none.” “What if it’s the second option?” “You swim. And dive in.”

It doesn’t sound good. This may not be Dragonspine where it would be way worse, but it’s still the middle of winter and the water must be freezing. Aether really hopes there is a mechanism but half an hour later all the search in the world ends up being useless. Albedo even helps at some point, yet the result is the same and they go back to the rock near the sea. There is absolutely no other way to do this.

“Would your flower…?” Aether starts but shakes his head almost immediately, answering his own question in his mind. What Albedo does thanks to his Vision has always been helpful on earth. Never underwater or on its surface anyway— not even Kaeya could be of some help here, since the ice wouldn’t raise the box enough for Aether to grab it. He must surrender. “But we could try.” Albedo surprises him by saying that, enough for Paimon and the Traveler to exchange a look. This sounds like an experiment the alchemist just came up with.

“How…?” “My flower can actually lift you if I put it here.” he vaguely gesture the sand “You could try to catch it like a fish.” he adds. Aether has to admit that if he actually caught Paimon that way, the box itself might not be impossible if he manages to use something very resistant. Since he doesn’t have a better idea, he spends the following fifteen minutes to look around for some wrecks he could use to build something useful (bless that time he helped with repairs at the Wangshu Inn) and only manages to have some sort of… very long stick not too straight but with a harpoon at one hand. 

Then Albedo uses his Vision. Aether, trusting his abilities, makes sure to be on the flower and then— up he goes, enough to stretch and… and nothing, because the first time the flower is too high. The stick doesn’t even reach the surface of the sea. They try and adjust and in the end he’s almost there, the harpoon pierces the wood and Aether pulls and somehow the box is almost out of the water or at least not so deep in it that he has to dive in… when the flower disappears. Aether totally forgot that they can’t just stay there forever.

He falls into the sea. The water is freezing and Paimon even calls him out of worry. Fortunately enough swimming has never been a problem and he became especially good at it since doing this and that in Teyvat, but Aether’s little friend keeps floating non-stop until panic is stronger than anything else and she pushes Albedo while telling him “Help him!” and that, in the end, makes both of them drenched. Despite the alchemist being used to Dragonspine, the Traveler is quite sure he doesn’t usually take a bath there. His expression, usually unfazed, shows that he’s cold— hopefully, though, he’s not considering awful experiments with Paimon as part of them.

Aether just want to get out and warm himself with a large fire that they won’t have for a bit unless they want to catch the attention of some monsters, but all he manages to do is laugh. A small chuckle in the beginning, he then lets out a proper laughter like the one of a child with not a care in the world. 

“Why are you laughing?” Albedo asks, probably curious about everything in the world including his reaction. Aether notices the looks on his and Paimon’s faces and offers them a light-hearted smile “This is my first time swimming in the sea during winter and it’s awful.” he replies, even if he thinks it’s also nice somehow.

*

Spring comes with nice weather and more warmth, something Aether is very grateful for. He and Paimon left Mondstadt almost immediately after the winter became more bearable, and they have been in Liyue for a couple of weeks, helping around but also enjoying different customs the Geo Archon’s land has to offer. What Aether doesn’t expect while he’s there is a letter from Jean: it’s a brief one announcing that Albedo and Sucrose will be in Liyue soon for research. They won’t be there for long, the letter says, but if you could helo them and show them around, since it’s not your first time there and you are probably very familiar with the place by now, it would let me be at ease and without worries.

Aether doesn’t have a reason to refuse, so he sends a quick reply to tell Jean that he will accompany the alchemist and his assistant. Albedo and Sucrose arrive that same evening, when the sunset makes the sky look reddish and Liyue Harbor lanterns are lit up. They travel light, which suggests Aether that whatever research they are going to do there it is not about instruments but more like observations and taking notes. Despite them having enough time to let the newcomers go as soon as possible to find an inn to stay in, they spend a lot of time in the small square where the general goods shop is, since it’s the same area where it’s possible to craft something. Aether himself has used the place more than once since his first time there. And of course it’s the first thing that catches their attention.

“It’s so different from our in Mondstadt…” Sucrose observes, quiet voice as if she expects someone to come out and doesn’t want to make them feel offended in any way. Point is, Aether has never seen a single soul there apart from those making things from time to time— but no real alchemists or apprentices like Timaeus or Sucrose. Now that Aether knows Albedo and how well-versed he is in alchemy (not to mention what a mistake with an experiment can cause), it looks weird. Maybe, though, it is a normal thing in Liyue. 

Aether accompanies them to the inn almost an hour later, the same one Aether is staying in. It is quite packed but they manage to find accommodation; since there are no single rooms available anymore, Paimon is sent to Sucrose’s so that she isn’t uncomfortable while sharing with a boy. They have dinner at one of the restaurants recommended by Zhongli: even Albedo, who doesn’t have much of an appetite, manages to praise some of the food and to enjoy it. Liyue Harbor has a lot to offer at night, but they travelled all day and what awaits them is an early rise, so Aether offers to give them a tour the night after and then they call it a day once they are back to the inn. Despite the fact that Albedo should be more tired, it’s Aether the first one to fall asleep that night.  

The following day, Aether doesn’t do much other than be a guide around Liyue Harbor, keep an eye on them as the alchemists take their notes here and there, look out for small hilichurls’ campsites and help Albedo and Sucrose to reach some plants and minerals through the quickest (and possibly safest) path. They eat the packed lunch chef Mao has been so kind to make for them when Aether requested him and since the weather is nice it is more enjoyable than the Traveler would have thought. At some point, Albedo takes out of the bag he has with him all he needs to sketch and isolates himself for a good hour. Aether takes that time to simply observe: he likes how focused the alchemist gets when he is drawing and it doesn’t bother Aether that Albedo can’t hear or make any conversation for the whole time, because to see what he sees through the lines he draws is fascinating enough to keep him company. 

They end up back to Liyue Harbor earlier than expected. On the way to the city, Albedo asks him some questions about a tree Aether has not seen yet— but he assures that he’s far from a complete exploration of such a big region, so it could be that he simply hasn’t noticed it where he’s been. “I heard someone talk about it in Mondstadt,” Albedo tells him “and I’m positive they mentioned an area quite close to Liyue Harbor.” he adds. Which, if Aether has learnt a thing or two about the alchemist by now, means he won’t join the night tour in the city that Aether promised him and Sucrose the day before. 

Surprisingly enough, though, Albedo doesn’t go straight for the tree the moment they finish dinner, probably because he’s also interested in how different this city is from Mondstadt. Aether is more than happy to show them around, taking advantage of the magical atmosphere Liyue Harbor offers at night. It’s not too late when Paimon (incredibly) has no more room for desserts of some sort and Sucrose discretely yawn, covering her mouth with a hand. Aether decides it’s time to bring them back to the inn, but Paimon offers to do it instead since Albedo seems too impatient to finally look for the tree. And since Paimon knows the city as much as him and Sucrose doesn’t seem to mind, Aether accepts the offer and lets them go by themselves. 

In the beginning, Aether must admit he’s not very confident about finding the tree easily. The moment one leaves Liyue Harbor, the lanterns don’t follow the path for long, which makes harder to spot something that is not in the middle of the road. Also, they stray from the regular path almost immediately once the city lights are behind them and the Millelith guards are barely in sight. Albedo insists that, if around there, it is probably hidden by some rocks or even a mountain. So Aether tries his best to look for a glimpse of leaves in a not so obvious spot, with no idea of what to search for— he supposes that, to attract Albedo enough, the tree must be a special one and it could mean basically anything: a peculiar shape, a different colour, some rare flowers or fruits. Does Albedo know what does it look like?

“Yellowish and reddish, as they look like in autumn.” the alchemist explains when Aether asks him. This makes it easier: the colours, if not for a very few trees he found more or less everywhere, are totally out of season during spring. So it’s not surprising when, half an hour later, Aether does catch a glimpse right behind a rock very close to one of the Geo Archon statues. No wonder he never noticed it before: Aether clearly remembers of never leaving the path in that part of the road to Wangshu Inn. Luckily enough, it’s not on the top of the mountain and they reach it easily. Aether is not even surprised to see Albedo starting to sketch almost immediately, so he sits down on a small rock and observes— not only Albedo, but also the sky with so many stars.

The tree, he has to admit, is indeed beautiful: not particularly high but with a lot of leaves of warm colours that look like they are about to fall yet stubbornly stay there on the branches. Aether thinks that must be amazing to observe at sunset, when the sky is the same color and the sunlight hits them. They somehow… don’t exactly suit the alchemist, Aether bashfully thinks, his mind still quite struck by the memory of his first meeting with Albedo in Dragonspine. The white of all that snow made him look… Aether doesn’t know which word could describe it, but whenever he thinks about it, the thought makes him shy. Albedo’s voice stops his trail of thoughts anyway.

“It doesn’t bear fruits.” he suddenly speaks “What?” “The tree.” Albedo clarifies as he sits under the tree and invites Aether to do the same with a small pat on the grass next to him. Aether leaves the rock he was sitting on and joins him, adjusting so that they can both put their backs against the trunk in a comfortable position. “So what is it famous for?” he asks. Albedo puts the sketch back into the bag he brought along and then gazes up at the leaves.

“Not exactly famous, unless you read a very specific book about rare and peculiar behaviours of plants outside of Mondstadt, which comes as a single copy in a very tricky spot in our library at the Knights Headquarters.” Albedo reveals as a matter of fact without even glancing at him, but Aether doesn’t mind and simply nods, waiting for the rest that he is sure will come even without him asking. “First of all, its blooming cycle during the seasons is the opposite of the normal one. Meaning that it’s in full bloom during winter, loses his leaves in spring, it’s totally naked in summer and timidly shows some buds in autumn.” he begins to explain in detail, making it easy for Aether to understand why it’s considered out of season. “It has very few flowers that last only for a few days, but the peculiar behaviour it shows is during spring when it loses its leaves. In fact—”

They both stop to talk and listen abruptly, astonished. Without even the slightest warning, the leaves fall all at once. Aether suddenly sees this reddish veil falling over the both of them like a curtain. Everywhere he directs his glance is now completely covered as if grass has never been green and the earth never been naked. Once he looks at Albedo, as if expecting him to explain what just happened, he finds the alchemist as surprised as him; a small frown, slightly parted lips like he’s about to say something but his brain is still processing the thoughts. Aether easily notices a small leaf stuck where the blonde braid is and moves his hand, instinctively. Albedo doesn’t move and he can just pick the leaf and pull it away. It’s nothing special, but Aether feels like it’s something very intimate to do, maybe the closest he has been to touch the other since the first time they stayed together in Dragonspine. His fingers brush against Albedo’s hair and ear and it’s like Aether has just touched something he is not supposed to.

“You had this in your hair.” he says, to justify himself maybe. It sounds dumb the moment it leaves his lips. Albedo mimics him, but instead of removing a leaf, he takes one from Aether’s lap and puts him between his hair, almost the same spot as his was. Aether feels the warmth crawling upon his neck but hopes the alchemist won’t notice. “This colour suits you.” Albedo tells him. Then he explains that the tree tends to have his leaves to fall all at once, but at that point, Aether’s mind is completely distracted.

If it wasn’t for the leaf, would Albedo touch him?

*

Spring slowly turns into summer. With Mondstadt being surrounded by water thanks to Cider Lake, the humidity is unavoidable and sometimes annoying when Aether feels his clothes stick to his skin because of sweat. The fact that he has to fight and defeat pyro slimes that keep coming at him whenever he stops long enough to drink some water and take a break while in the middle of a commission doesn’t help at all. At least the last three seems to not have companions around so Aether can breathe a sigh of relief and sit for a moment, to rest under the shadow of a tree that offers him shelter from the sun. Paimon is kind enough to take an apple from it and give it to him. He’s never been so grateful.

“Paimon will ask Jean to let you rest!” she exclaims, caring in her own way. He smiles, a bit tired, but also shakes his head “It’s just a bit too hot.” he admits “But I’m okay. Jean will worry if you tell her that… I only hope the next commission she needs help with is not where pyro slime gather.”

As expected, once they are back to Mondstadt to give a report of the situation to Jean, she notices Aether’s fatigue easily. Concern is easily shown on her face, light blue eyes lingering on him while the silence fills the room of the Knights Headquarters; once she speaks Aether can recognize both the wish to help him in some way and the authority of the Acting Grand Master she is.

“Thank you for helping with this one. There is only one more thing I have to ask of you… but I think it would be a bit more pleasant than the hot, humid weather we are having here in Mondstadt.” she assures him, a small smile on her lips as she glances at a pile of documents on her desk and takes the one on the top. A few minutes later, Aether is packing enough to reach Dragonspine and a campsite he remembers way too well.

The mountain covered in snow welcomes him with ice-cold just a bit less icy than usual. Aether is not a fan of freezing in the middle of nothing, especially after his first experience there, but he has to admit to himself that it’s a very nice change after so much summer-like weather. He crosses the half-destroyed bridge and it takes him a bit to go past iced paths and too many hilichurls still ready to basically attack anything that moves if said something is closer than four meters. In the end, though, it’s nothing Aether hasn’t already dealt with in the past. Also, this time he can at least orient himself better than the first time.

He reaches Albedo’s campsite with not too many stops for fighting. The alchemist doesn’t notice him immediately, as he is bent over a lot of notes about who knows which experiment. Aether takes his time to look at the place, seeing if he can find something different since the last time he’s been here. The two torches welcome him as usual, offering a small yet pleasant warmth and the ground is not completely covered by the snow, making it easy to walk. On the right, the pot has fire under it and something almost boiling inside; boxes and barrels that Aether supposes are full of supplies are slightly behind it. Shelves are exactly where Aether remembers them to be: one of the left, bigger than the other, half full of alembics and books and instruments he has seen before but wouldn’t know how to use. The same goes for the table, while a painting (still a draft, probably) is on show not too far from it. On the right, the other shelf is used for similar purposes and there’s exactly where Albedo is: at the other table in front of it.

It’s been at least one month since the last time they seen each other, after the fallen leaves incident in Liyue. They met briefly in the Knights Headquarters but there was not much time to chat. Aether thought about asking the alchemist to meet, maybe eat something together… but their schedules didn’t seem to align, so in the end he just greeted him. Aether didn’t even know Albedo was back in Dragonspine until Jean asked him to deliver something to his campsite.

The alchemist notices him earlier than expected. For a few seconds he looks confused, as if not expecting Aether of all the people who probably bring him supplies and other things he requests from Mondstadt, but he doesn’t look displeased at all. In fact he even offers Aether a small smile.

“I didn’t know they would have sent you.” he greets him, inviting him to come closer— the same way he did back under the tree, when they talked about seasons and flowers blooming and when Albedo put a leaf on him and told him that— Aether breathes in, making sure to not let the other notice it. He needs to focus on anything else but this. “Was what I asked for too heavy?” “Not at all, don’t worry.” Aether replies, maybe a bit too fast but Albedo doesn’t seem to mind or find it weird. He tells him where to put the bag, explains what he needs it for, what he’s researching this time: it seems that while taking a stroll around the campsite to check on a few things, he found a herb he’s sure to have never seen before since coming to Dragonspine. After sketching and checking with Sucrose and Timaeus back in Mondstadt (not to mention asking Lisa for books in the library that could have some informations about it and not finding much) he decided to look for it and analyse it to see if can be of some use. Unfortunately, he missed a few useful things to properly do so and that’s why Aether was assigned to deliver what the alchemist asked for.

Albedo talks about the herb for a while, but Aether is okay with it, interested even since he had to collect flowers and plants more than once not only for himself but for other people too. He listens to the alchemist as he goes through some of his notes until Paimon claims to be hungry and Albedo seems to realize that it’s almost lunch time. Whatever was boiling in the pot was checked by Aether every now and then, which is probably what saved their lunch from becoming inedible. Surprisingly enough Albedo takes a break and joins them, so they sit around the pot and eat.

“The weather is a bit nicer.” Aether comments “Maybe is it because it’s summer?” not that he’s convinced that ice and cold can be considered summer but he supposes that in Dragonspine even freezing less than usual could be a big change. Albedo nods, confirming his idea “Yes, it slightly warmer. It makes the ice on water a bit thinner, so pay attention if you go near it in the next few days.” “Are we staying days?!” Paimon asks, incredulous. Aether can’t really blame her, knowing that she prefers the food in Mondstadt that what Dragonspine and its climatic condition can offer. He’s… a bit grateful, even if confused. Jean never told them to stay there after the deliver. Albedo looks quite perplexed as well.

“You are not staying?” he asks, as if Aether just betrayed a promise they made who knows when. An unnecessary feeling of guilt twists his stomach. “No, uhm… Jean needed this to be delivered but didn’t tell us much more than our destination.” he admits “But,” he adds way too quickly “it’s not like we can’t stay. We don’t have something else to do.” Great, he thinks the moment those words leave his mouth, now he’s going to think that I agree to stay only because I have nothing better to do. This is getting hard and ridiculous and embarrassing. Especially when he looks at Albedo and the alchemist doesn’t seem to mind his words too much.

“It would be wiser to stay.” he states, the same way he could explain why and experiment is better done in a way instead of another “Nice weather makes the snow less thick too. It would be dangerous to leave now. It might be summer, but nights come earlier than in the rest of Mondstadt.” and, truth to be told, Aether is not so impatient at the idea of going around Dragonspine when it’s dark. He opens his mouth to say that yes, he really needs to be cautious and stay for a few days to be sure that ice doesn’t break under his feet or that he’s not, who knows, hit by a sudden avalanche that something quite hard and cold hits his shoulder.

A quick look tells him Paimon just threw a snowball at him, while floating at some distance, a chuckle already filling the air. Albedo looks at the both of them, alternatively. “Why did you do it?” he asks and he sounds honestly curious. Paimon changes her expression in a know-it-all one, as if Albedo just asked the most stupid question yet she’s still kind enough to explain this to him. “For a snowball fight. Paimon is feared around aaall Teyvat when it comes to it!”

Aether would highlight that there’s almost no snow at all where they have been until now, but Albedo’s expression stops him. “A snowball fight.” he slowly replies, not looking convinced at all. Even Paimon seems to notice something sounds off. “You do know what a snowball fight is, right Albedo?” she asks, slightly tilting her head on the left, both her arms behind her back. “Heard of them.” the alchemist replies “But never experienced one.” he adds. Before Aether can say anything, a snowball hits the other’s chest and Paimon’s laugh fills the campsite. It doesn’t take long for them to actually engage in a snowball fight. For real. Albedo still takes too much time in the beginning, probably concerned about making the perfect snowball, but he soon adjusts to the situation and gets not only quicker but more competitive.

In the end, Aether is the first one to surrender, followed not much later by the other two. He’s still catching his breath when Albedo sits next to him to do the same. His hands are okay since they were covered by his gloves the whole time, but his cheeks are red because of the cold and the fight. He looks adorable. Aether hates himself for this thought and the tragic awareness he has for his feelings at this point. “You had fun.” he comments, a small smile as his eyes stay glued to Albedo. The other doesn’t deny it. “It was an interesting experience, even if I’m still not sure what the purpose is.” he admits. This time Aether can’t help but let out a quiet laugh. “Only to have fun” he reveals “so you basically did all you needed to do.”

“Did you have a lot of snowball fights?” “Not so many.” he admits “But I saw the snow in other occasions.” in other worlds “And me and my sister played with it.” I wish I could still do it. “Ah, but this is my first time playing with the snow during summer. Usually it melts in spring, doesn’t it?”

Paimon calls for them to have another portion of the warm soup they ate before and Aether can’t help but agree. He stands up, ready to join her at the pot to warm it up a little bit before serving it, when Albedo speaks.

“It would be nice.” he says, waiting for Aether to look at him interrogatively. “To have you here for a few days at least.”

To be honest… Aether doesn’t know if he can (wants to) be honest, but he feels warm and his stomach probably just made a couple of funny things, and he has this urge to take Albedo’s hand and tell him that he wants to stay so, so much. But he doesn’t.

*

Autumn makes it easier to run around for commissions and explorations. Aether has been able to enjoy the calm of Mondstadt in the last few weeks. Albedo let him and Paimon leave Dragonspine without him, but promised to meet them later that month. They did, in fact, meet but it wasn't for long. Apart from the time Aether accepted to help Lisa with some work in the library, nothing more than going door to door to pick some books people forgot to take back to the library (again) and put them back where they belong. The silence of the library really helped him to relax, making the hours pass quickly while surrounded by books and warm daylight. Even Paimon helped with some of the lighter books that had to be put on high shelves, while Aether was in charge of the lower ones. During their break, he met Albedo and joined him for a light lunch and some small shopping at the general store. They never really talked about the visit in Dragonspine if not for Aether asking if he discovered something useful about the herb they talked about on that occasion. After that, they simply went back to their work without making plans or anything like that.

Today all Aether did has been going around the city for a few errands (almost half of them personal), including the last one that is leading him to the flower shop. This is not the first time he helps Flora, but part of him hopes it's not about putting flowers in Dragonspine because he not only messed up one of them the last time he went, but he really doesn't have it in him to go there again. It's been a lazy morning and it somehow affected him— Klee even asked him if he was sure to not have caught a cold but Aether reassured her. He doesn't feel sick, only a bit under the weather. 

Flower Whisper is as lively and colourful as always, with different flowers in small vases to show the potential customers what the shop offers today. She immediately recognises him and doesn't make him wait. "Traveler" she greets him, "Lawrence told me you were going to come by." she explains and it takes Aether some seconds to associate Lawrence to one of the guards at the gate. He nods, smiling back "Do you need help?" "Yes... you see, I was thinking of adding something special to our store this month." she begins to explain "And I have heard that someone found a rare flower around the Wolvendom area. I would check and eventually take it myself but..." but Aether remembers the area. Packs of wolves are there, not to mention the abandoned arena where he fought Andrius with the help of Razor. There are also hilichurls there, so it would not be safe for someone like Flora, all the more if she went alone. He nods.

"But... is it a flower that blooms in autumn?" he asks because he may not be a florist but most of those that bloom in Mondstadt are usually there during spring and part of the summer— excluding the mist flowers and other special ones like those. Flora's eyes express nothing less than pure enthusiasm. "They do! In fact, they only bloom during autumn, isn't it amazing? It's a rare species that used to grow here ages ago, my grandmother— " Aether loses her more than once in that very detailed explanation full of memories from her childhood and a lot of studies she must have done to become the florist everyone trusts with small or important gifts in Mondstadt. In the end he gets that these flowers have to be picked now, or they will wither soon because of the change in seasons. 

An hour later he's about to leave through the gate when Albedo appears next to him as if the agree to just meet there and go together. Aether tries to ask a couple of times but all he obtains from the alchemist is a brief and unsatisfying explanation about something alchemy-related. Not very surprising, but still suspicious since Albedo tells him to lead the way. Aether does it, because it's not like he doesn't want some time with the alchemist, especially if it's out of luck. 

The road is familiar, totally different from when they went around Liyue during spring and Aether had to make sure Albedo and Sucrose were following him. They stray a bit from the usual path because they spot some wolfhooks and decide to take them back to the city, since they can be useful and they won't have to go there again anytime soon. Aether keeps his eyes open, not only for monsters but mainly in case he notices grey hair that could mean an unexpected meeting with Razor. Unfortunately by the time they reach the area Flora marked on a small map for them, the wolf-boy is nowhere to be seen. 

"Did you lose something?" Albedo asks him when Aether puts the map back into his pocket and starts to look around for the flower "No, why?" "Because you seem to be searching for something that has nothing to do with what Flora asked you." 

Aether smiles, even if he wonders how this is about Albedo being perceptive and how much it's his fault for being way too easy to read— he hopes it's the first case. He really doesn't need to know that Albedo can guess everything about him. "I was just checking if Razor was around. Ah, he is—" but the alchemist tells him the name is not new to his ears, probably thanks to Klee. They talk about small things while they look around. Aether still doesn't know if Albedo is actually searching for the flower or for whatever took him there, but he supposes that's okay. They check the safest area first, then move a bit deeper where tree and rocks make the path more unsteady and where hilichurls are. There's not many of them but just to be cautious and not engage in avoidable fights, both Aether and Albedo make sure to move as quietly as possible and not being spotted. Once they are in another part of the forest where it's safer to move, they begin to check everywhere, bushes and empty trucks and behind rocks included.

"Have you ever seen a flower that only blooms in autumn instead of doing it in spring?" Aether asks out of curiosity, because if someone knows about it, the chance of this person being Albedo is incredibly high. The alchemist stays focused on the task at hand but he's obviously paying attention to Aether's words. "I have read about it in some books. There is a species in Sumeru, apparently." he tells him "And this one in Mondstadt. But it's a rare occasion. Most of the known flowers in almost all the regions bloom in spring." "So this is another out-of-season thing like the tree in Liyue."

Aether regrets having said that immediately, but he knows that he's the only one so focused on not remembering that moment too much when he's with Albedo— point is, now that he knows what made his heart flutter he can't help but feel embarrassed. At the same time, the urge he had in Dragonspine during summer never really disappeared. Part of him just wants to... tell the alchemist that he's an important existence Aether never thought he would find in Teyvat, not when his first thought has always been (and it will always be) to find his sister. To be reunited. Does his wish to spend so much time with Albedo make him a horrible brother? Is it weird? Does the alchemist wish for the same thing when he tells him that it would be nice to be together or when they promise each other to meet as soon as possible despite Aether often being around Mondstadt or even in Liyue? 

A hand touches his forehead. Aether blinks, only to realise that Albedo is the one checking his temperature. 

"Are you feeling sick?" he asks. Aether swallows but shakes his head. Albedo doesn't look convinced at all "Tell me if you do." it's the only thing he adds, though, as he goes back to look inside an empty trunk. 

They are about to leave after spending a lot of time without any results, convinced that Flora either heard a false rumour or that the flower still belongs to the past, when Aether catches a glimpse of something whitish close to a few bushes. Once he checks, it is a flower he has never seen before. He vaguely reminds him of a Cecilia but the petals are completely different from it and from the Liyue's Qingxin too. The flower is smaller, gives him the idea of a very delicate one, even more than how a flower usually looks. Before he notices, Albedo is next to him, curious eyes on it. 

Aether knows this is not really the moment to think about it, but... it somehow reminds him of Lumine. And no matter how much he wants to be enthusiastic about them finding the flower, he can't help but feel a bit dejected. "What is it?" "Do you think the flower will wither soon?" Aether asks, eyes not daring enough to have eye contact with Albedo. He feels the alchemist's gaze on him though. "Eventually." he hears him reply and it makes him smile because no matter what, the way Albedo seem to always be able to rationalise everything sounds almost comforting to Aether. "Why do you ask? Did you want to give it as a present to someone?" 

Aether chuckles, nothing more than a brief sound. "If I could see my sister anytime soon, I would love to." he admits, wearing his heart on his sleeve like it's the most natural thing to do. But at this point Albedo is not exactly someone Aether is able to lie to. He wants the alchemist to know more about him, weak sides and worries and sadness too.

Albedo doesn't ask him if he misses her, because it's obvious. So Aether just keeps talking "I knows that she's stronger than me. I think— no, I know that she's safe, wherever she is. But..." but that single flower looks so delicate, so easy to step on. So—

Albedo's hand takes his. Aether suddenly feels his fingers slip between Aether's, clumsily but in such a caring gesture that it's not even a matter of so-called butterflies in the stomach or heart beating faster than usual. It's like suddenly being in the safest place in the world. Like being understood on such a deep, personal level that it makes Aether want to cry like a child comforted by their mother. He holds that hand back.

"A flower blooming in autumn, when the weather starts to get chiller and the sun sets earlier as winter approaches is the proof of how high its adaptability is. So it's not wrong to assume that it will be stronger than others. It disappeared ages ago and now it's here. In your hand. It probably survived all this time without anyone knowing it until recently. It was just a matter of finding it." Albedo tells him, quiet voice and a softness Aether rarely heard before. He squeezes his hand, almost afraid Albedo will let go the moment he's sure Aether is feeling better. Instead, the alchemist intertwines their hands more. 

"Thank you." Aether whispers. He only notices now that Paimon is nowhere to be seen. He doesn't know if it's what gives him courage or what makes him reckless. "Albedo, is it okay to tell you something... personal?" he asks, beating around the bush and getting cold feet now that he just thought about— "Yes. What is it?" Albedo stops his useless stream of consciousness before it can get out of hand. Aether looks at the unknown flower as if it can solve all his problems. Then, he breathes in and speaks.