Fandom: Kimetsu no Yaiba
Prompt: 1. Non avere altri dèi di fronte a me. Non ti farai idolo né immagine, non ti prostrerai davanti a quelle cose. (m3)
Parole: 1570
Warnings: nsfw, lieve blasfemia.
Pillars meet more often than some of them wish they would. They may be somehow Ubuyashiki's children, which probably makes them some sort of siblings in a way they don't understand at all, but it's a fact that they are not the most social ones. So it's a given that people like Sanemi are not so happy about these gatherings - yet he would never disobey, so here they are.
They just finished their meeting, Ubuyashiki excused himself and left them in the yard with new missions for each one of them. To be worried for that man's health is something unavoidable: he is their saviour, he gave them a house, a purpose; he accepted them, no matter how bad the rumors about them were or if others had refused them before. When Giyuu looks at him and at his fellow pillars, it's not like he doesn't understand: after all he was sort of saved as well - he never mentioned to Ubuyashiki how being a pillar partly makes him feel horrible, as if he is locked up against his will, as if he will be damned for his entire life.
Yet there is a part of him that feels different from them and it's not only about how he thinks he doesn't deserve to be a pillar - it wasn't a position meant for him. He should have died, after all - but also about that something he manages to see often. In the others' eyes: adoration, the same one people have towards their God.
That, it's something Giyuu won't ever be able to feel for that man.
He's pretty sure Ubuyashiki knows it.
*
When they gather like today, Ubuyashiki often tells them to take advantage of them being there and rest, make sure to heal both the wounds of the body and those of the soul. So even if some of them look like they wouldn't die even if repeteadly stabbed, in the end there's no way they would refuse the offer.
Giyuu hates sleeping in the wisteria mansion: most of the time he can't help but wake up almost every hour as if he is expecting Kobutsuji to attack them at any time. So when it's deep in the night and the whole mansion is engulfed by silence, Giyuu just surrenders and leave his room. He could use those hours until dawn to train, but he is sure that people like Rengoku would wake up and join him. And, no offense, but no. So he makes sure to hide himself on the roof - it happened to meet Shinobu there a couple of times but, like an unspoken agreement, they basically ignored each other, respecting their wish to stay by themselves or, better said, with their own demons.
«So now I'm Giyuu's demon.» a deep voice says, a shade of amusement in his tone. Giyuu doesn't need to turn in that direction to know whose voice it is; who else could be, next to him, if not Sabito?
«Stop reading my thoughts.» he murmurs, and Sabito chuckles next to him: «That's hard to do, since I'm basically a trick of your mind, Giyuu.»
He grits his teeth. He knows it: this is just a delusion after all.
«You should rest a bit.» Sabito keeps talking «It's not good to go on a mission without getting a good rest. And you should talk about this with someone.»
«About what?»
«About the fact that you see your dead childohood friend. Maybe to the Insect Pillar?»
«No.»
How could she - anyone - understand? Shinobu would make fun of him for sure.
By the time he turns to the left to look at him, Sabito is not there anymore - has he ever been, though?
*
The demon is not so strong, yet Giyuu gets that he's not really focusing right now. He evades the enemy's attack and slashes him with his sword; nothing related to the Water Pillar's peculiar style, but useful enough to put some distance between them. The demon is not one of the strongest Giyuu has fought against until now, on the contrary, and yet he is being annoyingly persistent not only with his attacks, but also with his neverending chatter about Kobutsuji and how he will bring honour to his saviour by killing one of the Pillars.
«Kobutsuji-sama is our God. How could you ever understand?!» he shouts has he attacks again.
Oh, Giyuu understands way too well. The small part of him who is vaguely listening to his enemy thinks that, after all, some of the demons are not so different from Pillars: they can't help but want to give Kobutsuji what he wants the most, to gain his respect, his favour; Pillars want to do the same for Ubuyashiki, they simply wish to give him back everything he did for them and gave them. If Kobutsuji is like a God for them, Ubuyashiki is the Pillar's Messiah.
The demon attacks again: «You filthy Pillars are monsters as much as us! You can't win against us! You can't win against our God!»
Giyuu moves, flowing like water, dancing with his sword as if it's the easiest thing to do for him. He beheads the demon with just one fast slash.
Before crumbling and dying, the demon shutters something and the only thing Giyuu can understand is some stupid babbling about Kobutsuji.
«Unfortunately for you, the God I believe in is not Kobutsuji, nor Ubuyashiki-san.»
*
His new mission made him go far away from the locations of the other Pillars, which is good in more than a way and not only because Giyuu prefers to be alone.
The room he's staying at for the night is one of a modest inn with not even ten rooms available; full of darkness, even the moon outside is hidden by the clouds in the sky. The small village is quiet, its kind people asleep. Giyuu knows that the owner is sleeping downstairs, and that's good because it's very hard for him to stay completely silent.
Sabito's is there once again, he appeared from nowhere while Giyuu was trying to rest at least his body, if not his mind. One moment Giyuu was alone, facing the wall and immediately after his waist was being hugged by someone. Sabito's body is warm, his hug makes Giyuu relax as it used to do back in the years, when they were both Urokodaki's disciples. But they were like brothers and yet now Sabito - what Giyuu's mind registers as Sabito, at least - is touching him where only lovers would touch each other. He feels him kiss his neck, nibble Giyuu's ear.
Sabito's hand is masturbating him, under the blankets and some layer of clothes, up and down his lenght; Giyuu moans, not so loudly but hearable, and Sabito moves his hand to his chin, to make him turn towars him to kiss him hard. Giyuu can't help but kiss him back, lose himself in Sabito's touch, feeling Sabito's crotch against his back.
Giyuu can't focus on anything else and he can't think rationally - but maybe a very small part of his mind is still clear enough to ask unwanted questions. Why can't he stop seeing Sabito? Why, despite the fact he knows that's only his delusion, his desperation and sense of guilt playing tricks to his mind, can't Giyuu let him go?
Sabito was once his brother, his best friend, his hero; then he became his saviour, his sin, his mistake; Sabito is his curse, the reason why Giyuu feels like he should have died, the voice in his mind telling him this is not his place, not his role, not where he belongs to.
Sabito is everything, he's the most similar thing to God for Giyuu: he's the God that keeps him alive by telling him with a voice so dear to him that he should not die now, not yet; he's the God Giyuu wants to deny, to betray, and yet he just can't.
A louder moan escapes Giyuu's lips and die in Sabito's mouth as the orgasm hits him. Giyuu feels his whole body shiver, especially where Sabito's warm hands are still touching him. Sabito's breath - what Giyuu is convinced is Sabito's breath, at least - is a bit fast and hits Giyuu's cheeks.
«Giyuu» he whispers close to his ear «we should stop.»
«I know.»
«Giyuu, I'm not real.»
«I know.»
It's so painful exactly because he knows - he created the image of God in his mind, he gave him the face of Sabito, the whole being of his childhood friend became the reason Giyuu gave himself to not just kill himself, to not run away, to atone for his sins.
He meets his God every time he wants to surrender.
«Kobutsuji-sama is our God. How could you ever understand?!»
He understands. He wishes he didn't.
«Giyuu, I love you. I forgive you.»
As God forgives all his children, especially those who wronged him, Sabito does the same.
*
While staring the ceiling, as the dawn approaches him through the trees outside and the silence is still absolute, Giyuu knows Sabito is not there anymore.
It would so easy, to believe in Ubuyashiki. But how can he get rid of God, when his desire to see him, touch him and have God to himself is the reason why Sabito is always there?